voiceover coach

Filling In The Blanks

by Paul Strikwerda in Articles, Career, Personal Leave a comment

“It’s too risky, too challenging, too expensive, and you’ll be very lonely”.

That’s what people told me when I announced that I was going to become self-employed. This was many, many moons ago.

I’m sure these folks meant well, but what struck me most was the fact that these self-appointed business coaches were all working in some nine to five job, making money for someone else. They had no clue what it would be like, to be one’s own boss. The idea alone probably terrified them. I say “probably” because I’m not sure.

What happened in these conversations was something that is universally human, and universally flawed: people projecting their own life experiences, values, beliefs, fears, and attitudes onto the life of someone else. Not hindered with practical experience or specific knowledge, they’ll tell you:

“I know precisely what you mean. I know exactly how you feel. I totally get it.”

The question is: Is that really true?

UNDERSTANDING AND BEING UNDERSTOOD

When you hear a seemingly innocent phrase such as “I know how you must be feeling right now,” let me tell you what is actually going on. With a few simple words, your friend, colleague, or family member has become a mind reader, and has managed to shift the conversation away from you and onto them. Hence the prominent use of the pronoun “I.”

They have taken what you wanted to talk about, and used it as an opportunity to refocus the conversation. Perhaps not on purpose, but they did it nevertheless.

By saying “I know exactly what you mean,” people are also comparing their personal situation to your unique circumstances, as if these two are equal. That is hardly ever the case. Even when situations seem very similar, they rarely are, and people respond to them in their own way. That’s what makes us so interesting, and at times unpredictable.

When people say things like “I know exactly how you feel,” most of us don’t make a big deal about it, unless it concerns something very personal, and there’s a need to be understood. Let me give you an example.

WALKING IN SOMEONE’S SHOES

You may know that my wife has multiple sclerosis. It’s a nasty disease which manifests itself in different ways on different days. One of the most common symptoms is fatigue. Fatigue is different from being tired. It is often described as an acute lack of energy; an unusual and utterly overwhelming whole-body tiredness not relieved by sleep, which prevents a person from functioning normally.

So, when my wife told one of her friends that she was exhausted, and the friend (who doesn’t have MS) responded by saying “I know exactly how you feel,” my wife said:

“Actually, I’m glad you don’t. I would not want to wish this on anybody.”

I remember going to an event where friends and family members were educated about multiple sclerosis. To give me a sense of what it might feel like to experience MS symptoms, a facilitator put weights on my legs which affected my sense of balance.

Blurred vision is another MS symptom, so they had me wear strange goggles that made the world around me look distorted. I could not read a simple text they asked me to read. Then I had to wear thick gloves, and I was instructed to unbutton my shirt, which was totally impossible.

I still remember the frustrating feeling of helplessness as I was wearing this weird outfit. The things I had come to rely upon: my sense of balance, my eyesight, and my sense of touch, were seriously affected. I needed the help of other people to get around and get things done, and I hated losing my independence. For a moment.

Luckily, after a while I could take all these gadgets off, but I tell you: I never looked at my wife in the same way. Never again would I tell her: “I know exactly how you feel.” Even after my limited MS symptom simulation I can’t say I know what it’s like to have an incurable chronic disease. And I hope I’ll never find out.

PERCEPTION AND PROJECTION

Now, this may be an extreme example, but extremes can make things clear. As a human being it is hard not to compare and project. We constantly have to make sense of the world around us, and we use our own experiences as a frame of reference. Based on that I have a few questions for you:

• How often are you aware that your perception is based on projection?

• How often do you really know what a client means or a what friend feels?

• What would happen if you’d stop filling in the blanks based on your model of the world?

It doesn’t matter if you’re in a personal or in a professional relationship. If you are using your own experience to interpret the world, you are severely limiting yourself, and you’re not doing the other person justice. You’re not even focused on the other person because you’re too busy working things out in your own head.

Or as they say in the East: “You cannot pour tea into a cup that is already full.”

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

When I give a voice-over student a script and ask him or her to read it as if they were hired to be the narrator, I can predict what is going to happen. The student just starts reading the text. A few paragraphs later I ask them:

“How did you know to read it the way you did? How did you choose the tone, the tempo, the volume, and the accent?”

And most of the time they tell me: “I thought it would sound good this way. That’s all.”

Then I ask:

“Is this what the client wanted?”

“I have no idea,” the student answers. “It’s just a guess. How was I supposed to know?”

“Well, did you ask?” is my response.

And then the coin drops.

You can’t give a client what s/he wants to hear, if you have no clue what it is. You might think you have some idea, but that perception is based on your projection. It’s like asking a bartender to fix you a drink, and he just starts mixing something. Unless you asked to be surprised, you might not like what you are getting, let alone pay for it.

“Am I making any sense?” I asked my student.

“Absolutely,” she said. And then she added:

“Believe me… I know exactly what you mean.”

“Believe me,” I answered.

“You absolutely don’t.”

Paul Strikwerda ©nethervoice

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photo credit: via photopin (license)

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You Too?

by Paul Strikwerda in Articles, Journalism & Media, Personal, Social Media 12 Comments

The “aholification” of society, otherwise known as the increase in the number of a-holes in the world.

That was what I was going to rant about this week.

You know, the people who just don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves. The people without manners. The loudmouths. The whiners. The bullies. The bullshitters.

I’m talking about the people who treat the world as their trash can. The folks who cut you off as they weave toward the next stop light. The ones who always skip the line because they’re so important. The people who love to criticize but never contribute. The ones who believe the world owes them everything, and the rules don’t apply.

I’m thinking of the blamers, the willfully ignorant, and the folks who hide behind screens as they troll their way into social media with poisonous pens, racist ideas, and bad spelling.

HORRIBLE HARVEY

Then the Weinstein scandal broke, and I had to add a whole new group to my list: the pigs, the perverts, the abusers of power, the ones preying on vulnerable and impressionable people, the horny sickos in bathrobes, the catcallers, the womanizers, the humiliators, the guys who think a short skirt is an invitation, and the men who can’t keep their hands in their pockets.

I call them the Players, the creeps, the sexists, the intimidators, the ones who pretend not to understand the meaning of the word NO, and those who believe that money and power can buy decades of silence.

As a man, I am utterly horrified and shocked by all the #MeToo messages, and sickening stories of sexual harassment and abuse. Judging by my Facebook timeline, a-holes are everywhere! They hold respectable positions: teachers, doctors, therapists, members of the clergy, managers, casting directors. Some just have a bit more money and influence than others. Many of them are friends of the family, and helpful neighbors.

The question is: would you recognize a sexual predator if you saw one?

FIND THE BAD GUY

Years of television typecasting has taught us how to spot a criminal, right? There’s the unibrow. The scarface. The ever-present five-o’clock shadow, clothes that don’t fit, and -in some cases- the British accent. Reality is very different. I bet you wouldn’t be able to pick a pervert from a police lineup. Fathers of five look too normal. I met one of them once, and I was utterly clueless. Here’s how it happened.

When I was seventeen, I got an opportunity to produce and present youth radio and television programs for a national broadcasting company. It was the chance of a lifetime, because all the teens that were chosen would be coached by industry veterans. Some of our coaches turned out to be minor celebrities with major attitudes, but my favorite teacher was a jolly guy in his sixties. Let’s call him Hans.

Grandfatherly Hans had been a producer of beloved children’s programs for years, and he knew everyone in the business. I learned a lot from him, and as we got closer, I asked him if he missed being involved in the day-to-day production of TV shows.

“I never really retired,” he told me. “I run a small production company out of my home, making low-budget movies. Come to think of it,” said Hans, “I wanted to ask you… would your girlfriend be interested in doing some acting?” At the time my girlfriend was in the same coaching program I was in, and apparently, she had caught his attention.

TAKING THE BAIT

When I told my girlfriend about the acting opportunity, she was flattered, and she thought it might be a good experience to work with a renowned producer. One quick screen test later she was hired, and within a month she heard that the first shoot would be on a remote location. “How do I get there?” she asked, because she was too young to drive a car. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you,” said Hans. “It’s quite a drive, but I have a fast car.”

At this point you probably hear the sound of a million alarm bells going off, but this was years and years ago, and we were quite naive. Hans loved everybody, and everybody loved Hans. His professional reputation was stellar, and there was no reason to doubt that his intentions were less than honorable. He always told us that he “wanted to pay it forward,” and pass his knowledge and experience on to younger generations.

Little did my girlfriend know that she was on her way to a porn shoot.

What really happened during the drive I still don’t know, but after an hour of grooming, patting, and sweet talk, it became quite clear that the budget for this production wasn’t going to the costume department. My girlfriend was furious, and at a stoplight she started screaming her head off. Drivers in other cars took notice, and an embarrassed Hans offered to turn around. What a gentleman!

THE OFFICIAL DENIAL

When we told the head of the coaching program what had occurred, he said my girlfriend must have misread Hans’s intentions. It couldn’t possibly be true. After all, “nothing happened.” Those were his words. Later on, we learned that they were old pals looking out for each other. Sounds familiar?

If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, you know that there is no such thing as “nothing happened.” There’s the shame, the embarrassment, the violation of trust, the anger, the disbelief, the self-doubt, the cover-up, the nightmares, the bitter taste of betrayal.

Back then there were no hashtags, no social media, and no reporters interested in the story. Today is different! Thank goodness so many courageous women are speaking out against the a-holes who are now on notice. They will be named and shamed in public. Their reputations will be ruined. Their families will be torn apart. Their businesses will pay a hefty price.

If that’s what it takes to create a safe, respectful society, so be it.

It won’t happen overnight, but all the Weinsteins of the world should know this:

Karma has no deadline.

If you knowingly and shamelessly dig yourself into a hole, Karma will come and find you!

Paul Strikwerda ©nethervoice

PS Three months after publishing this story, the voice-over community was rocked by the news that 16 women have accused New York voice talent and coach Peter Rofé of sexual harrassment. CNN broke the news. Click here to read the article. Since then, another 13 women have stepped forward with similar experiences. If you were the victim of sexual harrassment in the voice-over community, you may confidentially share your experience or ask a question. Please contact voiceoverjusticeclub@gmail.com.

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Be Bold. Be Brave. Be You.

by Paul Strikwerda in Articles, Career, Freelancing 6 Comments

Looking back at my writing of the past few years, I see that I spent a lot of time warning my readers:

“A voice-over career is not as easy as some people want you to believe.”
“There’s no success without sacrifice.”
“This business is highly subjective and unfair.”
“You’ll be competing against thousands of hopefuls.”

While some of you appreciate my “tell it like it is” style, others think I have a secret agenda. Recently, one of my critics wrote the following, after he had watched my video The Troublesome Truth About A Voice-Over Career:

“This video was made by an old-timer, unwilling to accept a changing industry, and the new competition it brings !!!”

I’ve heard that silly argument numerous times. Somehow, I supposedly feel so old and so insecure that I want to scare off the competition by telling them that they’re never going to make it. It’s either that, or people assume I’m recruiting new students for my VO-coaching by telling them how much they need me.

Well, let me set the record straight.

I’m not that old yet, and I’m certainly not insecure. I welcome any newbie who wants to give this voice-over thing a try, and I believe there’s enough work for talented, unpretentious people who sell their services at a fair price. I don’t advertise my coaching services, and those who want me to be their mentor have experienced that they need to go through several hoops before I take them on as a student.

Got that?

Now, what I’m about to say is not meant to scare you, but to open your eyes.

Whether you’re an aspiring voice-over or a veteran, if you doubt your ability to deliver what clients want to hear and pay you for, you have some serious soul-searching to do. If -for some reason- you feel inferior, incapable, or undeserving, you will be undermining your chances of success every single day.

In the tough world of freelancing there is no room for the unprepared, the needy, the desperate, or the faint of heart.

That doesn’t mean that I want you to be an overconfident, self-absorbed know-it-all. On the contrary. You do need the ability to recognize your challenges. You have to be open to learning new things, and a healthy sense of humility will serve you well. However, if you don’t believe in yourself as a professional, don’t expect others to take your word for it.

What makes humans so interesting is that our thoughts and feelings come to the surface via our behavior. In the way we walk. In the way we talk. In the way we respond to our environment. Some psychologists call those clues BMIR’s (pronounced “Beamers”): Behavioral Manifestations of Internal Representations.

Whether we’re terrified, or madly in love, we will give ourselves away by the tone of our voice, our body language, and by how we interact and react to the world around us. It’s natural. So, if deep-down you believe you’re “just a beginner” who doesn’t deserve to paid a fair, normal rate, your actions will reflect that belief, and your results will confirm it. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy?

If a script requires you to play the role of a confident academic, and those grey cells between your ears tell you that’s “just not you,” you’re in trouble. One of my students wanted me to help her with a script that required her to use a sultry, seductive voice. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t do it. It turned out that she wasn’t comfortable with her own sexuality, and she thought the words she was hired to record were somewhat degrading.

“If that’s how you feel,” I said, “why on earth did you accept this job?”

“To be honest,” she replied, “I did it for the money.”

Rule number one: Don’t ever accept a job you feel you can’t be proud of, no matter how much it pays. If what you have to say goes against your belief system, people will pick up on that, unless you’re an amazingly talented trained actor who can fool his own mother.

No one forces you to say yes to a job you’re uncomfortable doing. That being said, if you wish to develop your range as an actor and be more marketable, you have to be comfortable being uncomfortable. You have to be bold, and be brave to take on a persona so you can serve the script to the best of your professional abilities.

Consider it a form of role play. It’s the perfect excuse to take on a role that might be far removed from who you really are. You can play the meanest villain in the universe, and get away with it without being arrested! You can be a tough business negotiator, closing a million dollar deal. The question is: how do you do that if you suffer from self-doubt?

Well, if you’re not the most confident person in the room, start by pretending you are, and see where the script takes you. If you need some inspiration, think of someone in your life who embodies certain qualities you’d like to emulate. How does this person walk, talk, and breathe? What would they be saying to themselves?

This does require that you give yourself permission to let go a little. Can you do that? Can you stop that critical internal dialogue, and focus on the external dialogue, if only for a moment? Chances are that you’re by yourself anyway, so no one is going to judge you for experimenting.

Once you’ve tried on this new persona, you might discover that you’re not half as bad as you thought you’d be. It can actually be fun! It’s like trying on a new style of clothes you never saw yourself wear, and find out that you look pretty good in them!

Let’s say you do this a couple of times, and you find that it’s getting easier to step out of your comfort zone (and by the way, a comfort zone is nothing but a story we tell ourselves). Here’s what will happen: not only will you start seeing changes as a voice actor. You may notice that you’re beginning to be a bit more bold and brave in your personal life as well. I’m not saying this will happen overnight, but it just might.

For the longest time I was socially shy. You’d see me hiding in a corner, pretending not to be there. It wasn’t fun at all. But one day, someone asked me if I’d be interested in playing a character in a variety show a group was putting on for a charity. The day I said yes to that opportunity, my life changed. I put on a funny costume and some make-up, and tried out a silly voice. The public loved it! This gave me a tremendous confidence boost. Now I don’t need those props anymore.

The trick is to put yourself in a position where you have to take a risk. Mind you, I’m not asking you to become a different person. I want you to discover a different aspect of who you are. Is that something you’re willing to try?

Then challenge yourself this week, by doing something you’ve never dared to do.

Don’t pick the biggest thing in the entire universe. Start small and build from there.

Give yourself a chance to succeed, and watch yourself grow.

Be bold. Be brave. Be you!

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