You’d think that voice-over pros always have something to talk about, but what happens when someone’s not feeding them any lines?
Would they still have something interesting to say, or would they be less vocal without a mic and a script?
Well, judging by the many voice-over blogs you can find online, we can’t seem to shut up.
And if we cannot talk, we must type.
Take me, for instance. You know I can’t stop yammering, and I am sure I’m not alone. Why is that? Is there really that much to blabber and blog about?
Yes, there isn’t!
I’ve come to the conclusion that VO-Pros and cows have one thing in common: they are ruminants. Most ruminants have four stomachs.
The first stomach chamber (the “rumen”) is the chamber in which large amounts of food are stored and softened. Once it is processed, it is regurgitated and chewed and digested again in different chambers.
At the end there’s only one thing left: bullsh*t.
What I just described is the recycling of supposedly “hot voice-over topics” you and I like to ruminate about. Every year, the same issues and trends resurface, and they are milked and milked until there’s nothing left but utter claptrap.
Here is my shortlist of some of the most boring issues in our business:
- PC or Mac?
- Are Pay-to-Plays worth the money?
- ISDN: must or rust?
- Do real pros only use ProTools?
- Headphones or no headphones?
- Do you perform better while sitting, standing up or laying down?
- Could a headshot help or hurt your voice-over career?
- My mic is better than your mic.
- Union or Non-Union?
- Should I slate or watermark my demo?
- Social Media: indispensable tools or magnificent distraction?
- What did Stephanie Ciccarelli have for lunch?
- How to succeed in voice-overs without really trying.
- What would Don LaFontaine do?
- Remedies for dry mouth and sore throat.
- Harlan Hogan’s next big Porta-something.
- Do egg cartons really help soundproof a room?
- Joan Baker in a bikini.
- Are celebrities stealing our business?
- Is it “voice-over” or “voiceover”?
- Why isn’t there an Oscar or an Emmy for Best Narrator?
- Why Ted Williams?
- What the heck is “neutral English”?
- How many “followers” and “friends” does one need in order to be deemed relevant?
- Don’t talk to me about reasonable rates. It’s just beer money.
- When does self-promotion become spamming?
I will be the first one to admit that I have sinned by writing about some of these topics myself. That’s why I solemnly vow to not behave like a cow. For my own sanity and yours, I will seek out greener pastures and find more exciting things to write about, and I challenge you to do the same.
Rumination might be good for our bovine friends, but “obsessive or abnormal reflection upon an idea or deliberation over a choice” may lead to depression in humans, says Yale University psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, PhD. Rumination may also weaken thinking and problem-solving, and drive away critical social support.
In other words, by chewing over the stories of the past, we might actually un-enlighten and isolate ourselves. That must be the last thing any serious blogger would hope to achieve.
Ruminating is not illuminating.
Now, chew on that for a while!
Paul Strikwerda ©nethervoice
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