Double Dutch

“If a picture’s worth a thousand words, why didn’t I become a photographer instead of a voice-over?”

That was typical Bill. No “Hello” or “How are you”. Bill always comes in with some kind of wisecrack.

“Why do you look so happy?” I asked. “Just watching you makes me miserable.”

“I think I nailed that last audition, man. I totally rocked the house,” Bill said, beaming from ear to ear. “I even added some special effects.” He made the sound of an airplane on the runway. I was utterly confused.

Bill is no Shallow Hal. Bill is deep. A while ago, I nicknamed him ‘Bill the Boomer’ because of his powerful pipes. Most mics aren’t made to handle Bill’s almighty ‘basso profundo’. Most of his clients aren’t either.

Do you want to know something remarkable? I don’t think Bill really has a voice. It’s more of an instrument. His vocal cords could be a terrible weapon in the hands of the wrong people. If LaFontaine was the ‘Voice of God’, Bill had to be the incarnation of Beelzebub. Well… sort of.

Bill and I go way back. This is what you should know about him:

He has a heart the size of Texas and New Mexico combined.

Bill has ambition.

Bill has talent.

And… Bill has no social filter for his thoughts. He doesn’t listen and just spits out words. Unminced. He is always heading for some kind of impulsive disaster.

I have told him many times: “Bite your tongue Bill, or otherwise you’ll get in trouble.”

He always gives me the same answer: “I can’t bite my tongue. I’m a voice-over. I’d be out of commission for weeks. Besides, you know me: I’m spontaneous.”

“There is a subtle difference between being spontaneous and being obnoxious, Bill,” I explained. “And you can be both.”

One day, I overheard him as he was talking to his agent on his brand new Droid. I could tell he was not amused:

“If they want me to use my money voice, they should pay me a decent rate! Give me a break. And if they don’t like it, tell ‘em that they’re free to shop at voices one-two-three or whatever. There they’ll find plenty of people who’d do this job for a piece of paper with Benjamin Franklin’s face on it.”

“They’ll do it for less, Bill,” I said. “I just found this website called Fiverr dot com . It’s advertised as ‘The place for people to share things they’re willing to do for five bucks’.

Guess what? I found someone to replace you! His listing reads as follows:

“For $5 you’ll get me speaking and recording your script no matter what it is! English man with a clear accent. Check out my voice here.”

“You must be kidding me,” said Bill. “I wonder what else people are offering for a fiver?”

“That’s a scary thought, Bill. Don’t even go there.”

Instead, I read a few other listings to him:

• I will design a Professional Logo for any porpuse for $5 (that’s how it was written)
• I will help you with setting up your own studio for $5
• I will write any article of any length for $5

“Seriously, last time I checked, there were at least 1600 pages of these ads and each page has seventeen listings. Perhaps we should have become professional photographers after all. Look at this… I can’t compete with this guy. He writes:

I will create 30 second voice overs if you provide the script. I will allow retakes until you are satisfied. Voice over professional with over 20 years experience.

A week later Bill asked me over for some energy drinks.

“What’s the deal with that audition you were so proud of? Did you get the gig?” I wanted to know.

“Funny you should ask,” said Bill. “I need to talk to you about that. I want an honest opinion. You see, I thought I nailed it, and this morning the producer called me for something else. He also told me that everybody in the office had had a good laugh when they listened to my demo.

They ended up offering the part to that guy who used to do these Geico commercials. He suddenly became available. Can you believe that?”

“No,” I said. “I can’t believe that.

Nobody likes being rejected, my friend. Were you at least graceful in defeat?”

“Well….” said Bill. “I think I might have hit a bit of a snag in that department. You know me and my blabbermouth. I just couldn’t help myself.”

“Bill, tell me, what did you say to that producer when he told you that you didn’t get the part? You know you can be very rude, dude.”

Bill took a deep breath.

“I didn’t really mean it,” he said.

“Didn’t mean what, Bill?”

“I told this fellow that he wasn’t making any sense and… that I thought he was so gay that he couldn’t even think straight.”

“Oh… come on, man,” I said. “You should have known better than that. That was way off base. Some of my best friends are producers, and they would have wrung you out and hung you up to dry.

Listen to me, Bill. If you ever want to have a long career in this industry, begin by thinking before you open that money making mouth of yours. And I’ll tell you something else: you better start embracing your inner rainbow! You’re in show business.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you want me to start liking Liza Minelli?” asked Bill, as he took a sip from his Gatorade. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Can you be serious for a moment?” I asked. “You and I know that some of the best jobs don’t necessarily go to the best people. Why do you think that is?”

Before he could answer, I continued:

“Some people know how to schmooze, my friend. They know not to bite the hand that feeds them. They know that if that powerful producer says something that is even remotely funny, they are expected to laugh like Pavlov’s dog.”

“I didn’t know dogs could laugh,” said Bill.

“For Pete’s sake, Bill,” I tried. “How can I ever get through to you? This isn’t funny. Show some respect. Call that producer now and apologize. It’s about time you learn the art of flattery, my friend. These guys can make or break your career, so you better start sucking up to them. If you don’t, you’ll end up burning all those bridges that you haven’t even built yet. Capisce?”

“Point taken. I apperciate the advice,” said Bill, pretending to sound like George W. Bush. “But I still think they should have given me that job. I’m telling you: my audition was funny and flawless, but this producer said that I’d completely missed the mark.”

“Alright, mister president,” I responded. “Let’s play that demo before you call him back and eat some humble pie.”

I have to admit that Bill’s audition was weird. It seemed like it had been recorded in the cockpit of an airplane. He’d been right about these special effects. He also sounded happy but in a forced way, when he said:

“Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We are now flying at an altitude of 5000 feet and the skies are clear. Why don’t you sit back, relax and enjoy our complementary peanuts. Organic peanuts from Greener Pastures. Green never tasted better.”

“And…?” asked Bill expectantly. “You’re a straight shooter. Give it to me.”

“Bill, I have to be totally honest with you. What on earth were you thinking? This demo doesn’t make any sense whatsoever,” I said. “You’re nuts.”

“That’s exactly what the producer told me,” said Bill. He even asked me:

“Why did you spoof Leslie Nielsen in ‘Airplane!’ instead of coming up with some kind of silly character voice?”

“And what did you tell him?” I asked.

“I told him that I just followed the instructions that came with the script,” said Bill.

“What instructions are you talking about, Bill?”

“It read:

This is for an animated pilot.

How was I supposed to know they meant a cartoon?”

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS Stay in touch with Double Dutch and subscribe today! Thanks for retweeting!

PPS What do you think of Fiverr.com?

IMPOSSIBLE CLIENTS. We know who you are! You’re searching for a specialist who can handle almost anything. Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? Does your family doctor make a great brain surgeon? Can a novelist write irresistible advertising copy?

Yet, some clients are looking for a be-all, do-it-all freelancer with young, fresh ideas and years of experience. Is that too much to ask?

Some psychologists say that the fact that we humans are able to hold two diametrically opposed ideas in our mind at the same time, is a true sign of intelligence. Part of me wants to believe that this is indeed correct. The other part thinks it’s utter hogwash.

Does this theory imply that we have to develop a split personality in order to be perspicacious? Well, I’m more than torn about that too.

On one hand it seems kind of dim to define intelligence in such a limited way. On the other hand, aren’t most eternal truths simple and succinct in nature?

THREE CHEERS
Today I am celebrating the official launch of my company Nethervoice, exactly one year ago. To mark the moment, I started to reflect on the dichotomies of freelance life.

If you’ve just discovered this blog, you should know that I make a living as a full-time voice-over professional. Yes, I am the disembodied voice reading an audio book to you during long car rides. I tell you when to click the “next-button” as you’re e-learning on-line. I have sold cars in South-Africa, hotels in Spain, ski slopes in Austria and stoves in Finland. And that’s just the boring stuff…

But whether you’re making your money as a faceless voice, as a copywriter, a graphic designer or you’re in any other way self-employed, you and I have lots in common. Day in day out, we’re dealing with seemingly contrary forces that are interconnected and interdependent, that -somehow- give rise to each other.

Taoists already know what I’m talking about: the ancient concept of Yin and Yang.

Here’s an example of two concepts that seem mutually exclusive or at least contradictory:

1. SPECIALIZE or GENERALIZE?
Marketing gurus tell us: you can’t be a Jack of all trades. Don’t do what everybody else does. Find your niche. Create, don’t imitate. Lead, don’t follow. Distinguish yourself.

Here’s the problem: by narrowing your niche, you could be narrowing your market and you run the risk of becoming a one-dimensional, one-trick pony.

However, if you don’t differentiate yourself from the rest of the pack, you could become a dime a dozen. Why should a client hire Mr. or Mrs. More of the Same?

This is your challenge: you have to find your own voice and be flexible. Great inventors come up with a product that:

- solves a common problem

- is totally unique and

- appeals to a wide audience

2. FAMILIAR or FOREIGN?
Most people embrace the familiar and fear the unknown. But if you wish to grow on a personal and professional level, you must step into uncharted territory and invite the unpredictable.

During one of my voice-over coaching sessions, I asked a rather stuck-up student to read part of the Declaration of Independence… in a pirate voice. I ran into resistance from the get-go.

“I can’t do a pirate voice,” he said emphatically.

“Why not?” I asked.

“First off, it’s disrespectful. Secondly, I’m not going to make a fool of myself,” he replied.

I said: “You want to be a voice-over actor, don’t you?” “Actors have the ultimate excuse to be ridiculous. How are you ever going to expand your range, if you’re not willing to try something new? Were you one of those kids that only ate Mac & Cheese?”

Well, I didn’t really say that last thing, but it crossed my mind.

Reluctantly, my student became Bad-Rum Ronny and started:

“Arrrr… When, in the course of human events…”

And just as he was getting more comfortable with his new found identity, I said:

“That was fantastic! Now, please take it from the beginning, but this time, I want you to be a female pirate. Pretend you’re Johnny Depp’s big sister…”

My student looked at me as if I had lost my sanity.

“You’re really pushing the envelope,” he said.

“Oh, come on,” I pleaded. “The Founding Mothers would be so proud of you. And if you do it, I promise to write about it in my blog.”

That apparently worked because this time he sounded more like Geena Davis in Cutthroat Island.

“Wow,” he said. “I never knew I had that in me. That’s kind of scary…”

“Here’s what I learned,” I said. Some people avoid taking risks because they’re afraid of what the world might think of them. But playing it safe won’t get you very far. One day, you’ll have a client that will ask you to do something you’ve never done before. Something that might scare the living daylights out of you.

Do it anyway.

You have to be comfortable with who you are, in order to allow yourself to break out of your comfort zone. In other words: be comfortable being uncomfortable. It means you’re growing!”

3. ACT NATURAL
As a professional performer, this is another oxymoron you have to live with. You have to learn how to be natural in unnatural situations. It comes in different variations:

• Act, but don’t make it look like you’re acting.
• Read but don’t sound like you’re reading.
• Pretend not to pretend.
• Deliver a meticulously prepared and polished performance that seems spontaneous.
• Give it your all, but make it seem effortless.
• Don’t try it. Just do it. Be yourself.

It’s great advice, but nobody ever tells you how to get there, right?!

It all goes back to the “Four Stages of Learning,” a theory posited by psychologist Abraham Maslow. He coined four psychological states involved in the process of progressing from incompetence to competence in a skill:

1. Unconsciously incompetent: you’re not aware that you can’t do something
2. Consciously incompetent: you know that you are incompetent at something
3. Consciously competent: you’re developing the skill, but you constantly have to think about what you’re doing
4. Unconsciously competent: you’ve become so good at it, that it has become second nature

All of us go through these phases when we’re learning how to drive, how to type  and how to walk. Only when we’ve reached the level of unconscious competence, we are able to Act Natural.

In a world that revolves around instant gratification, quick fixes, easy answers and immediate results, this is a very unpopular 4-step process. We want it all and we want it now! Why is it so hard to find gratification in delayed gratification?

4. EXPERIENCED or EXCITING?
Do the following scenarios ring a bell?

a. You’re trying to break into the business, but you don’t want to come across as an absolute beginner.

b. You have years of experience, but you don’t want them to think of you as yesterday’s news.

It’s an impossible situation, isn’t it? Here are a few more stereotypes:

• Seasoned pros are old school and too expensive.
• Rookies are wild cards and need a lot of hand-holding.
• Veterans are rigid, arrogant and demanding.
• Newbies are unpredictable and have yet to hone their skills.

This black-and-white thinking is nothing but a distortion of reality. Do not fall for these false dilemmas. Challenge them instead. You might have years of experience but does that mean that you have lost your Mojo? Is a beginner by definition always new, fresh and exciting, or is he just a copycat? Are clients paying more because your rate is higher, or is it more expensive to hire an amateur?

A BALANCING ACT
As a freelancer you have to be able to deal with two diametrically different ideas at the same time. Don’t worry. You’re intelligent. You can handle it!

Let me leave you with some more freelance Yin and Yang:

- Have a strong backbone, but dare to be vulnerable.

- Be personable and keep things strictly business.

- Be spontaneous, but bite your tongue.

- Be proud of your accomplishments and stay humble.

- Be confident, but doubt yourself enough to evaluate your performance.

- Set the highest standards, but cut yourself some slack.

- Be available and accessible, but balance work and play.

- Sell yourself, but don’t sound like you’re selling yourself.

- Be passionate about your work, but know that it’s a means to an end.

- Keep your head in the clouds and your feet firmly planted on the ground.

- Be able to multi-task and stay completely focused.

- Be in the moment and plan for the future.

- Admire without feeling threatened.

A NEW YEAR
As I am opening a new chapter for Nethervoice, one of my friends asked me:

“Paul, what are your plans? Your blog is doing so well and you’re turning down voice-over work. Are you going to focus more on your writing or on narration?”

I thought about it for a moment, and then I said:

“Either way is better.”

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS Read the incredible story of how Bill “The Boomer” lost a $5000 gig and perhaps his reputation

PPS Stay in touch with Double Dutch and subscribe today!

RECESSION DEPRESSION… I don’t think it has made it into the DSM-IV yet (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). Give it some time and the American Psychiatric Association might include it in the next edition (together with Orthorexia nervosa, a harmful obsession with health foods).

If your plate or glass always appears to be half empty, it’s tempting to feel hopeless and helpless about the current state of the nation. Of course your freelance career is down in the dumps. It’s the economy, stupid! It has nothing to do with you.

Here’s the thing: if it has nothing to do with you, it means that you can’t turn it around. You’re a victim of circumstance. Now go to your doctor and ask for a happy-pill. You might be depressed, but the least you can do is feel good about it.

SUBJECTIVE REALITY
Remember that no matter where you look, you’ll always find a way to filter your perception of reality to justify your outlook on the world. If you feel that this time of economic crisis is limiting your chances of landing freelance jobs, you’re right. If you feel that the current recession is creating brand new freelance opportunities, you’re right! What you focus on most, is most likely to materialize. That’s the idea behind the self-fulfilling prophecy.

As a blogging freelancer, I get a lot of emails from colleagues who want to pick my brain. Here’s the number one question people ask me:

How do you beat the recession?

My first inclination is to ask them “What recession?” but that would be insensitive. Of course I know that millions of people are scrambling to get by. I used to be one of them. But feeling overpowered and helpless about it, is not going to pull you out of your slump. If you’re giving in and giving up, it’s game over. But that would be too easy. I think you deserve better.

INSIDE INFORMATION
At the risk of sounding like a self-help guru, I do believe that one way to beat this recession is by working from the inside-out. Before you do anything, I recommend you look at the way you are perceiving yourself right now.

In Holland we have a saying:  “Als je voor een dubbeltje geboren bent, word je nooit een kwartje.” Or in plain English: “If you were born a dime, you’ll never become a quarter.” It’s another way of saying: You need to know your place (and stay there). Well, if that’s really how you feel, what impact does this have on the choices you make?

If you’re applying for a job, and deep-down inside you’re telling yourself  “I don’t deserve this” or “I’ll never make it,” aren’t you setting yourself up for failure?

Other people grow up believing: “I can do anything I set my mind to” or “No matter what happens, I’ll always find a solution.” How do you think this impacts the way they lead their lives?

CONVENIENT ASSUMPTIONS
Here’s the remarkable thing about beliefs: it doesn’t matter whether they’re true or not. Yet, beliefs are a powerful driving force behind behavior. Beliefs can give us hope, strength and courage, or they can fence us in and bring us down. A belief is not some innocent abstract concept without consequences. Some people are prepared to kill and die in the name of whatever they believe in. Americans wouldn’t be celebrating the Fourth of July, if it weren’t for a set  of certain powerful beliefs!

Proponents of mind-body medicine like Bernie Siegel, M.D., are convinced that our beliefs can heal or harm our body, and that our state of mind has a measurable impact on our immune system.

If you think that all of this is just a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, realize that this too, is a belief. Beliefs don’t have to make sense. Beliefs don’t need to be scientifically sound. Beliefs give people a feeling of certainty. All that matters is whether or not a belief is plausible. The placebo effect is entirely based on this assumption.

SCIENCE-FICTION
Nevertheless, a group of medical students who firmly believed in a logical, analytical approach to medicine, wouldn’t have any of it. How could ordinary thoughts possibly influence biological functions and seemingly autonomous chemical-electrical responses? That’s just a bunch of New Age baloney!

One day, their professor walked in and said: “By a show of hands, how many of you believe that the mind is capable of influencing the body?” Not one single hand went up in the air. Mind over matter wasn’t science. It was science-fiction.

Then the professor started reading one of the more notorious passages from “Lady Chatterley’s Lover” by D.H. Lawrence. Soon his audience started to blush. At the end of a few quite explicit paragraphs, he looked up at his students and asked the same question again. “How many of you believe that the mind is capable of influencing the body?” This time, they all raised their hands.

So, let me share one of my empowering beliefs with you. It goes like this:

THERE’S NO ONE LIKE ME

I can already hear some people’s reaction:

“Well, duh… After all that build-up, is that the best you can do? Thank you Captain Obvious; superhero of platitudes! That’s not much of an eye-opener, is it? Of course there’s no one like you (and that’s probably a good thing).”

Well, once you get past the sarcasm and cynicism, consider the following.

Every day, thousands of people are waking up with a dream. Some want to become writers, news anchors or architects. Some want to find a cure for Multiple Sclerosis or invent an environmentally-friendly way to clean up oil spills… or a way to clean up the companies who are responsible for this Brutal Pollution.

But by the time we enter our teens, most of us have learned that dreams are figments of the imagination and that in order to grow up, we must face “reality”. Isn’t it strange? We start out as this helpless but boundless human being filled with infinite possibilities (especially if you were lucky to be born in a country like The Netherlands or the United States).

Then the process of social conditioning and conforming sets in. If we wish to please our parents and other role-models, we better be compliant and allow ourselves to be conditioned in order to be worthy of their love, attention and affection. We learn to blend in and not to raise our voice. If we do well, we are rewarded. If we don’t fit the mould, we have to face the consequences. Heaven forbid that we should stand out from the crowd…

GO YANKEES
When my 8-year old daughter wanted to go to school in a Yankees-shirt while 98% of the kids were wearing Phillies-Jerseys, some parents thought I was nuts. Why would I expose my daughter to ridicule and make her stick out like a sore thumb? What kind of a parent does that?

Here’s the thing: my daughter didn’t feel all warm and fuzzy about the Phillies. She happened to root, root, root for the Yankees. And when she went to school, she soon found out that a few other kids were Yankees fans too. Yes, some classmates made fun of her and others ignored her. But she held her head up high and felt even stronger because she stood up for something she believed in. Months later, the Bronx Bombers defeated the Phillies to win the World Series.

What does that have to do with beating the recession? I’ll tell you! If you want to be self-employed but you don’t believe in yourself, you are sabotaging your success even before you’re out of the gate. You have to be comfortable with who you are and with what you have to offer (comfortable, not cocky). If you’re in the service industry, you are your product. If you’re producing a product, you will be identified with it. Whether you like it or not, you are your brand and you better embrace it.

RIDICULE AND MOCKERY
When I set out to become a full-time voice-over professional, I knew the odds were heavily against me. Some people said:

“Do you honestly believe that you’ll make it as an actor? Dream on! The restaurants of New York and LA are filled with thousands of hopeful waiters. All they do is wait and wait for an opportunity that never comes. These days, anyone with a mic and a laptop can claim to be the next Don LaFontaine. The market is saturated. The economy is bad. Why don’t you get a real job, my friend?”

Here’s why I didn’t: because I knew that there’s no one like me. Yes, there are tons of people who do what I do, but they don’t do it the way I do it. It’s just a matter of letting the rest of the world know what I have to offer.

Believe it or not, this process started less than twelve months ago. This time last year I had no ‘corporate identity’ and there was no company website or a blog. I didn’t own expensive equipment and I had no big shot agents ready to represent me. All I had was a bunch of excited neurons bouncing around in my brain.

Well, that’s not entirely true. I had a number of people who believed in me, and who were willing to lend me a very generous helping hand (Thank you Pam, Dick, Polly and Folkert!). But before they could believe in me, I had to believe in myself.

GETTING THERE
After less than a year I’m nowhere near where I want to be, and it would be arrogant to pretend otherwise. However, I am proud of what I have achieved so far. This blog is read by more people than I ever hoped for; Internet Voice Coach just posted my first tutorial, and the award-winning Florida Realtor Magazine now features an article I wrote about voice-overs and virtual home tours.

I am recording voice-overs in four languages for clients on all continents, and I couldn’t be happier that I proved my skeptics wrong. Now, this list of personal achievements is not  some vain attempt to show off. Rather, it’s my way of telling you what could happen if you refuse to give in to recession depression.

The skeptics will tell you “I will believe it when I see it”. I am telling you that you have to believe it before you will see it.

When Disney World opened its doors, Walt Disney was no longer alive. Before the opening ceremony, a reporter asked Walt’s brother Roy: “Don’t you think it’s a shame that Walt Disney isn’t here to see it all?” Roy answered:

“That’s not exactly true. Because Walt saw it, we are seeing it today!”

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS What are some of the empowering beliefs that help you deal with the recession? Share them in the comment box below!

PPS My next article is all about freelance dilemmas:  is it better to be a generalist or a specialist?

No, I’m not going to tell you what it is just yet. Let me begin by asking you a simple question: Do words have power? When you think of it, aren’t they just letters in a certain order? Or are there words in our language that are so potent, that they have the potential to transform our life and our livelihood?

Now, before you think that I’ve gone all philosophical again instead of practical, just  STOP for a moment and think about it…

In the past few days I’ve asked some of my friends about words they feel have had (and still have) a profound impact on their professional lives. Here are some of the words they came up with:

As for me, the one word that has been my guiding light in the past 25 years as a freelancer, is neither grand nor deep. Yet, I believe it to be one of the most powerful words in our vocabulary. Without it, my career certainly wouldn’t be where it is today. It consists of two letters.

It is the word NO.

NO is the ultimate reflection of where I draw the line in life; the line between what I am willing to accept and what I must reject. Right now I can honestly say that I owe most of my success as an independent contractor to this word. It’s quite simple:

In order to give yourself a leg up, you sometimes have to put your foot down.

Today I am offering you seven suggestions for shaping your freelance career by using the power of what William Ury calls a “Positive No”.

1. SAY NO TO MOST FREELANCE JOBS
In this recession it seems that many freelancers function in survival mode and operate out of fear. They jump on every job opportunity that presents itself, because “you never know what tomorrow will bring”. They’re like a batsman who’s hitting at everything the pitcher’s throwing at him.

Although you might consider yourself to be a versatile voice-over pro, web designer or copywriter, even the famous Swiss Army knife has its limitations. It is humanly impossible to be everything to everyone. Like a batsman, you have to wait for the perfect moment where preparation meets opportunity, to hit that ball out of the park.

KNOW when to say NO. It’s early in the day as I am writing this article, but I’ve already said NO to at least fifteen jobs that didn’t meet my criteria. Why waste time applying for work I’m not totally qualified for?

I could get really ticked off by colleagues who subscribe to the “more is more strategy,” telling me: “It’s a numbers game. The more I try, the more chances I have to land a job.” Even though it might look that way sometimes, it is not a lottery. It is a business.

And why am I not ticked off? Well, we all have our life lessons to learn, and some people just prefer to learn things the hard way. And because they can’t…

2. SAY NO TO DIY
If you’re running your own business, it’s probably safe to say that you’re wearing many hats: CEO, CFO, COO, Head of HR, Advertising, Acquisition, Marketing, PR, IT, R & D, Quality Control, Social Media Manipulation… Are you tired yet? And guess who’s delivering the goods?

Just because you’re self-employed, doesn’t mean that you must do everything yourself. You shouldn’t, because you’ll burn out before you’ve even lit up the place.

KNOW your strengths. A realtor decided to shoot his own real estate video tours to save some money. As he was taking his shaky camera through a million dollar property, I could hear him do his own narration. The result was cheap, unprofessional and embarrassing. When he read my paper on video tours and voice-overs, he decided that he was not going to be the new host of House Hunters. Thank goodness for that!

So, here’s your assignment of the day. Ask yourself: What is the number one thing in my business that:

1. Is an essential part of my job
2. I’m not good at
3. I hate to do
4. Takes up way too much time

Now ask yourself two questions:

- How much more productive would I be, if I would outsource this to an expert?
- How much more profitable would I be, if I would outsource this work, especially if I…

3. SAY NO TO LOW RATES
In a society where most of us still equate value and quality with price, low rates are the trademark of an amateur. This strategy might bring you a few short term gains, but you’ll end up a long-term loser.

If you need nine more reasons why you shouldn’t sell yourself short, read my article: The secret to landing any freelance job.

KNOW the value of your work and the effect of your pricing on your bottom line and on your market. Then take the next step and…

4. SAY NO TO LOW STANDARDS
The Greek philosopher Mediocrates gave us the Law of Averages:

“Average standards lead to average results”

Look around you. Despite all the self-help hoopla that is sold as the “psychology of excellence,” the best most can hope for is mediocrity. Otherwise, “average” wouldn’t be the most common denominator and Walmart would have no customers.

KNOW that as an independent contractor you have the privilege of not having to live by other people’s rules. Look at your role models. Did they achieve success by following other people’s standards, or by setting their own? Become a non-conformist. Be utterly un-average and totally inimitable. Be younique and…

5. SAY NO TO BLAME
The Law of Causality deals with the relationship between an event and the consequence of that event. This interplay of Cause and Effect is reflected in our language as in: “My business isn’t doing so well because….”

We all know people who aren’t where they want to be in life, and they’re absolutely convinced that it is someone else’s fault. If only all the other people on this planet would change, they’d be so much happier! Those are the folks who blame the fast food industry for the obesity crisis and the tobacco industry for turning them into helpless, brainwashed chain smokers.

Blame makes people lame and seemingly dependent on things they have little or no control over. Mind you, I am not denying the devastating role some external circumstances can play in someone’s life. Neither am I trying to guilt-trip people for having been dealt some terrible cards.

I am talking about people who –rather than take responsibility for the things they have control over, expect others to fix them for them. Those are the people who’d rather complain about something than do something about it.

KNOW the difference between making things happen and letting things happen. It’s fine to subscribe to an on-line job search service. However, if you adopt a wait-and-see approach and blame the website when you’re not landing gigs within a week, you’re giving them way too much credit and you have effectively disempowered yourself.

I firmly believe that we’re not helpless leaves in the wind. I believe that we can harness the power of the wind and adjust our sails by the virtue of the choices we make. One of those choices we can make is to…

6. SAY NO TO UNCONTROLLED SPENDING
Why did the New York Times write that “one of the world’s most successful photographers essentially pawned every snap of the shutter she had made or will make until her loans are paid off”?

The Times cited as one of the reasons, that Annie Leibovitz has had a “long history of less than careful financial dealings“.

In the ideal world, you always have a pipeline full of projects. In reality, work can come in waves. When you finally hit that freelance jackpot and you’re starting to make some serious money, nothing is more tempting than to go on a spending spree. After all, you deserve it, don’t you?

Yes, you totally deserve to reap the rewards of your labor, today, tomorrow…. and in a few months when that big project is done and the money is no more. It’s not fun to be brilliant but broke.

KNOW that when it rains it probably pours, and when it doesn’t, you must set money aside for… a rainy day. Your bills don’t care whether or not you were lucky to get a nice chunk of cash in June. There’s always July, August and -dare I mention it- the day you hope to retire.

The book “The Millionaire Next Door” is not about big spenders. It is about people like you and me who live well below their means. Those folks are likely to…

7. SAY NO TO TAKING INSTEAD OF GIVING
“What’s in it for me? I want it for free!” seems to be the mantra of the new millennium. This narrow focus on personal gain, often at the expense of others and our planet, is an egotistical and eco-destructive philosophy.

Yet, some self-styled entrepreneurs have made the following three words the cornerstone of their business: Gimme, gimme, gimme.

With the rise of social media, this new group of predators is all about ‘getting’ instead of ‘giving’. They want to befriend you in order to milk your network, so they can slam your contacts with overt or covert product- and self-promotion.

These vampires seldom contribute to a discussion, and when they do, it’s mainly to get their contact information in the comment field. They ask for referrals. They don’t give referrals. They want a sample of your work… and run away with it.

KNOW that the way to grow a freelance business is to become a contributor; by giving back. Over the years, countless people have given me their time and expertise free of charge, just because they wanted to help.

PAY IT FORWARD
The best way to honor the gifts they have given me, is by passing them on to someone else. That’s one of the reasons why I started this blog, and that’s why you might find me answering someone else’s questions on a networking site.

When you start paying it forward, amazing things will happen. Do you have time for three examples?

* A few months ago, Shelley Cryan, a brilliant freelance photographer and real estate videographer, asked for recommendations for a voice-over microphone on an on-line forum. I happened to read her request and gave her some suggestions. A few weeks later, Shelley asked me if I’d be interested in narrating one of her virtual home tours. I just completed my third narration for her.

* Earlier this year, master narrator John Pruden wrote an excellent article for VoiceoverXtra. After I had left a comment, John got in touch with me and we exchanged a few emails. Recently, he told me about an audio book project that might be a good fit because I’m a multi-linguist. He recommended me to the client and to cut a long story short: after an audition they offered me the job.

* In April, David Rosenthal -the enthusiastic driving force behind Internet Voice Coach- wrote me an email in which he told me how much he enjoyed my blog. Not so long ago he asked me if I would like to join his team of contributors at Internet Voice Coach as the “expert on all things international”. I couldn’t be happier!

Over the weekend, my IVC “department” opened its doors and it now features exclusive interviews with Bodalgo’s Armin Hierstetter and Arabic blogger/voice-over Mahmoud Taji (who recently published a free e-book called “The Modern Voiceoverist’s Guide to the Online Universe & Other Stories”).

I’m not telling you these things to impress you. I’m sharing these examples to impress upon you that wonderful and unexpected things can happen as a result of being attentive to opportunities to help and contribute.

TEST
One last thing. Should you choose to adopt these seven suggestions and become a no-sayer, expect to be tested! We live in a culture of YES and instant gratification. People don’t want to hear the word no. They’d rather cut off their no’s to spite their face. When they’re putting pressure on you to cave in, remember this:

The best students usually get the most challenging tests!

So, stick to the program and keep on saying “yes” to NO.

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS What are some of the things you have said NO to as a freelancer, and how has that worked out for you?

PPS What’s the number one question colleagues keep on asking me, and how do I answer it? Find out here!

Two psychoanalysts were walking down a narrow road. A colleague came up to them for a stop-and-chat and asked: “How are you today?”

Both analysts looked at each other and wondered: What would he mean by that?

When I first came to America some 15 years ago, I noticed something strange. Whenever I asked someone: “How are you?” people would usually respond by telling me about their work, as if I had asked them: “What do you do?”

TO DO OR NOT TO DO
This begs the question: is our work so important that this is how we ultimately define ourselves? Isn’t there’s a big difference between ‘being’ and ‘doing’? Isn’t what we do only a part of who we really are?

Now, I completely understand that for some people, a profession is an expression of their identity, especially for those working in a creative field. But if we confine our definition of ourselves to the job we do, are we giving ourselves enough credit?

On one level, it is a privilege to be able to turn a passion into a profession and make it the center of our universe. Beethoven did it. Picasso too, perhaps. It can also be dangerous. How dangerous? Let me tell you about John*.

RADIO DAZE
John was a colleague of mine at the station I used to work for. Radio was his life. It was his ‘magnificent obsession’. In fact, that’s all he ever talked about. He was a walking encyclopedia of all things wireless.

John was one of those gentle men you would easily overlook at a party. He seemed socially shy and out of place. But put him in front of a microphone, and you almost wouldn’t recognize him: he was engaging, energetic, funny and full of… life! The two sides of this golden coin couldn’t have been more different.

One day, serious looking men in charcoal gray suits walked into our station. They had one mission: to make us do more with less. Cutbacks were unavoidable. Layoffs were a certainty. It was only a matter of time.

Rumors were spreading fast. Would they get rid of those who had joined the station last, or would they turn to the veterans who, because of their seniority, were making a very decent salary, thereby draining the budget?

A LOST MAN
Two weeks later, I got my answer. John and I shared an office, and he was putting some old tapes and CD’s into a cardboard box. “Getting ready for the show, tomorrow?” I asked. Then I took a good look at him. His face had lost all color as if he had donated too much blood. “John, are you alright?” I said. “Do you need some help?” He never said a word to me, and continued packing, as if in a trance.

The next morning, the sound engineer knocked on my door. “This is John’s desk, right?” he wanted to know. “You’re looking at it,” I said. “It’s never been cleaner.”

“Do you happen to know where he is?” asked the engineer. “We’re supposed to tape his show in a few minutes. Usually he sets things up way ahead of time and I can’t find him anywhere.”

“To be honest with you, I haven’t seen him all morning,” I replied. “That’s not like him at all.”

Of course we called John’s home and he didn’t appear to be there either. Where could he be? All of us knew that he lived for his radio show and that he hadn’t missed a taping in thirty years. We were getting worried.

THE FINAL ANSWER
Two hours later, the management said they had an announcement to make. They had found John. Two kids playing together had spotted him… hanging from a bridge.

One of John’s long-time colleagues and closest friends exploded when he heard the news. He stormed off saying: “Those bastards. They killed him. They should burn in hell!”

“What was that about?” I asked the sound engineer.

“I just heard,” he said.

“Heard what?” I asked.

“John had a meeting with the management, yesterday.”

“And?” I wanted to know.

“They fired him. Just like that.”

A LIFE’S WORK
The example of John is extreme.  But I’m sure you know people for whom their work is their life. We praise them for their dedication. We admire them for what they accomplish. And when the reason for their existence is suddenly taken away from them, they are left with… a void.

So, let me ask you: How are you? Who are you? How much of you is shaped by the work you do? Are you still chasing your dreams of a life filled with fame and fortune? Do you feel that you’ve achieved success?

CHOPRA
Writer, endocrinologist and one of the principal proponents of mind-body medicine, Deepak Chopra, came from India to study in the United States. He authored more than 50 books, including “Reinventing the Body, Resurrecting the Soul.”

His writings, CD’s, seminars and appearances have made him a wealthy man. But does he consider himself to be successful? Well, it depends on the definition.

I had the pleasure of interviewing him once, and Chopra defined success as follows:

The progressive realization of worthy goals;

The ability to love and have compassion;

To be in touch with the creative source inside you;

To ultimately move from success to significance

ALWAYS ON THE GO
So, measured by those standards, how are you really doing? And how are we doing as a society? Sometimes it’s best to have others hold up a mirror.

Many years ago, a visitor from a distant land came to the New World.  He had never seen any skyscrapers, department stores or the subway during the Monday morning rush hour. He was obviously overwhelmed and couldn’t wait to get back to his country, to report to his tribe what he had seen.

“What are the people like?” was what they wanted to know.

“The people?” he said? “I’ll tell you!”

“All they do is hurry-worry, hurry-worry. Day in day out.”

“What are you wearing on your wrist?” asked one of the elders, pointing at a watch that was given to him as a present.

“This is a device that tells you what hour of the day it is. It’s called a watch,” the man said.

“And you know what?” he continued,

“In this New World I visited, everybody wears a watch.

But nobody has time.”

GROUP THERAPY
“Nice story”, said the psychoanalyst to the narrator. “Thank you for that.” Then he turned to me. “I believe we have to welcome a new member to our group today. Tell us who you are.”

I took a deep breath and said:

“Hello. My name is Paul, and I’m a workaholic.”

“Hi Paul” answered the group in unison.

“Great,” said the therapist.

“Now we all know who we are, let’s get to work!”

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS What’s the one word that saved my freelance career? Find out in my next article.

*John’s not his real name. I have changed it to protect the identity of those involved.

The man, who had lost his voice from thyroid cancer, spoke again on the Oprah Winfrey show. Last Tuesday, Film critic Roger Ebert gave his Oscar predictions with the help of text-to-speech (TTS) software that speaks whatever he types.

The first computer-based speech synthesis systems were created in the late 1950s. They’ve come a long way, but a lot of TTS software still sounds rather robotic and unnatural. That’s why Ebert turned to Scottish firm CereProc for help. CereProc actually uses someone’s audio recordings to create a digital voice that comes very close to the real thing.

Usually, CereProc has people come in to their studio and record about 15 hours of audio. This is used to re-create the original voice. In Ebert’s case, they used audio commentary he had made for several DVD documentaries. The quality was poor and the recordings were not as long as they would have liked. Nevertheless, they did the impossible and gave Ebert his voice back.

Here’s Ebert with his wife Chaz, as he first tries out his new voice:

OUR NEW COMPETITOR
TTS software is not only used for people who have lost the ability to speak. It’s used to capture accents and dialects that are on the verge of dying out. People also use it to learn a foreign language. There’s one other application you should be aware of: it could be used to replace you and me!

Poland-based Ivona Text-to-Speech advertises:

“Save money spent on voice talent recordings. You do not have to look for recording studios and speakers. You do not waste time concluding agreements and contacting the contractors and it’s accessible 24/7.”

If you want to get an idea of what this software is capable of, go to their website; type in a few words and have a digital voice read it back to you.

Rival NeoSpeech, headquartered in California claims: 

“Robotic voices are now history.”

Neospeech offers nine different voices that speak US English, Mexican Spanish, Korean, Japanese and Mandarin Chinese for a wide range of hand-held devices, desktop and network/server applications.

POLITICAL VOICES
If it weren’t for a certain former president, Roger Ebert might never have  found CereProc. Ebert came across the Bush-o-Matic talking head, a hilarious re-creation of the 43rd president. I must admit: Bush never sounded so articulate! You can make him say things that are intelligent, and even make him wink, squint or blink.

The CereProc engineers pieced the voice of Bush together from his weekly radio address. It’s kind of scary, but in a fun way. Just to be fair, they added a virtual version of president Obama’s voice and the inimitable accent of California governor Schwarzenegger.

As you can tell from the audio samples, CereProc is getting close, but we’re not quite there yet. One of the biggest challenges any TTS provider needs to overcome, is how to add some emotion to the speech.  Most voices still sound a bit flat and get very boring very quickly. And for ordinary mortals, it’s still too expensive to re-create their own voice with the help of this technology.

TIME TO GO?
So, do you think it’s getting time for professional voice-overs to pack their bags and start looking for other work? Yes and no.

First of all, text-to-speech companies all over the world use voice talent to record different languages and accents for different applications.

Secondly, if you’re a musician, you might find this technological development very interesting but non-threatening. As you probably know, any musical instrument under the sun has been sampled, and entire symphony orchestras  can come out of a can. Yet, people are still buying real Steinways, and there are plenty of musicians who make a very decent living.

Do you think that we’ll ever see the time when Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring” as performed on virtual instruments, will win a Grammy? I don’t think so. Will a laboratory ever be able to produce a recording of Bach’s cello solo sonatas that rivals the depth of Yo Yo Ma’s interpretation? You see, there’s still hope for the most subtle, most flexible, most surprising and unique of all instruments: the human voice.

A NEW FRONTIER
Technology is amazing. It can give people their voice back. It can even make instruments speak. Austrian composer Peter Ablinger took a recording of a child reading the Proclamation of the European Environmental Criminal Court, and converted the frequency spectrum to MIDI, which he was then able to play back using a “chordophone”. It’s a mechanical piano that’s been hacked to “talk”…

As for Ebert, he’s as busy as ever. Esquire Magazine recently published a very moving article about him. On “Oprah”, he predicted that Kathryn Bigelow would be crowned best director and also pegged her film “The Hurt Locker” as the best picture winner. We now know that he was spot-on.

If it were up to me, this year’s  “Special Achievement Award” would only go to one man:

Roger Ebert.

Time and again, his brilliant movie reviews leave me… speechless.

Paul Strikwerda © 2010

www.nethervoice.com

PS Do you see Text-to-Speech software as a threat to your career? Is it eventually going to put you out of business, or will it just do the boring work?  Share your thoughts!

PPS Why am I giving my voice-over services away for FREE? Find out here…

“Voice-seekers are idiots. Well… some of them”, said one of my colleagues, known for her strong opinions.  “Why is that?” I asked.  “Because they ask for the impossible, especially when it comes to accents.” Her argument went like this…

Take your typical voice-over job listing:

Project: Short Video
Language: English
Gender: Both
Age: Middle Aged
Budget: Embarrassingly low (but it’s great experience!)

Here’s the 64,000 dollar question: based on this description, should you take a few moments of your valuable time to record a demo? If the answer is YES, what’s going to be your approach? How do you know what the client will be listening for? What exactly does she need to hear to hire you?

Here’s the honest answer: YOU HAVE NO CLUE!

It’s the story of a man walking into a bar asking for “a drink”. The bartender randomly selects a bottle and pours a trendy macaroon-infused vodka. After one disgusting sip the man turns to the barman and says: “That’s not what I wanted!” The bartender responds: “How was I supposed to know? You could have been a bit more specific!”

The barman has a point. So, let’s see if we can be more precise in our imaginary job description by adding one word:

Language: English (British)

That’s a big help, isn’t it? The voice-seeker simply wants a UK-accent.

But not too fast…is there such a thing as a “British accent”?

As you know, the United Kingdom consists of England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Even though there’s a great degree of uniformity when it comes to written British English within the UK, when a Scotsman from Aberdeen and a Cockney from London open their mouths, they sound like they’re from a different planet. Some might argue they actually are. Bottom line: a uniform “British accent” is as real as the Loch Ness Monster.

BBC
To get a better idea of the variety of British inflections, the BBC captured 1,200 voices of the United Kingdom, Channel Islands and the Isle of Man, and made them available online.

All you have to do is click on a dot on the map, and it will take you to an audio clip of a regional speaker. Here’s a subtle hint. Some of the clips had to be subtitled. Even seasoned BBC listeners couldn’t always understand some of their fellow countrymen and women.

HER MAJESTY
But what about RP, you might ask. RP or Received Pronunciation is sometimes called “The Queen’s English” or BBC English. It is estimated that only 2 percent of UK citizens speak a pure form of RP.

Recordings show that even Queen Elizabeth has changed her accent over the past 50 years, and the BBC has long abandoned the policy of only hiring people for their posh pronunciation. Instead, you’ll find a wide range of accents at the Beeb, and these days, a mock 1950′s BBC accent is only used in comedy.

Voice-seekers wake up! BBC English died a long time ago. You probably aren’t even looking for a British accent, but for a stereotype. A cliché. And if that’s not what you want, you need to be much more specific. John Cleese, Ricky Gervais, Russel Brand and Sir Ian McKellen all have UK accents. But do they sound the same? To quote Monty Python: “Say no more!”

THE NEW WORLD
An estimated two thirds of all native English speakers live in the United States. The English spoken on the streets of Miami is remarkably different from the accents you’ll hear in the Deep South or in Vancouver.

Many of the nation’s newscasters tend to speak GA (General American) or ABE (American Broadcast English). Television journalist Linda Ellerbee, who worked hard to eliminate a Texas accent, said: “in television you are not supposed to sound like you’re from anywhere”.

So, is that what voice-seekers want when they ask for a North American accent?  Shall we pretend that we came out of nowhere and sound as neutral as the taste of tap water?

Should we, like Linda Ellerbee, lose our Southern twang and work hard to sound just like the Cronkites, the Lauers and the Courics? Will that land us the job? Or should we look at our accent as an asset; something that distinguishes us from the rest of the pack?

Here’s the thing: why sound like everyone else? Why not bring some color to the grey masses? Geico’s gecko doesn’t speak ABE. And what about that “fabulous” Orbit chewing gum girl? These actors didn’t get the gig because they went for “neutral”.

Voice-seekers: you don’t want to have to weed through hours of auditions. But you have to help us out here: tell us what you want in as much detail as possible. If you want me to sing it, you need to bring it. If you don’t give us a clear idea of the destination, how are we ever supposed to get there?

Here’s by far the worst thing you could ever throw at us:

Language: English (neutral)

Who came up with that brilliant idea? What does “neutral” sound like? It’s like asking Bobby Flay to cook a flavorless meal. Can you imagine a casting director asking Philip Seymour Hoffman who is auditioning for a role, to play the part without personality? Would snowboarder Shaun White enjoy such worldwide appeal, had he chosen to stay Mr. Plain and boring?

It boils down to this. An accent is a way of pronouncing a language. It is therefore impossible to speak without an accent. No one is neutral. And I’ll tell you something else: voice seekers are starting to realize that their voice of choice could have a dramatic impact on the conversion rate of their website. Here’s where it gets really interesting for people like you and me…

Ginger software makes a contextual grammar and spelling checker that enables writers to produce error-free texts. It’s geared toward people for whom English is a second language. Ginger asked video optimization firm EyeView to develop an introductory video for their homepage to increase the conversion of this page for visitors.

The conversion goal for the page was for visitors to click the Free Download button. EyeView had a choice to make. Would they go with a British narrator or with an American talent? Would it even make a difference? What do you think?

THE EXPERIMENT
EyeView decided to run a test:  50% of the global audience saw the video with a British voice-over, and 50% saw it with the voice-over performed with an American accent. The result: globally, the British voice-over was 4% more effective at converting visitors into downloaders. The Catholic Church would be thrilled with this rate of conversion! But wait… there’s more! EyeView:

“For US audiences, the conversion rate for the British accent was 5.5% higher than the American one – above the global average. In Canada, the British accent still outperformed the American, but by a mere 1.5%.

Irish viewers watching the British version converted 12% more often than those hearing an American voice while the response of the Australians was even more extreme. Viewers “down under” converted 32% more often when pitched with Pommy tones than with an American twang.”

Only in the UK and India, the American voice-over outperformed her British counterpart. So much for “neutral”. And so far, Ginger has seen a 15% increase in the number of people downloading their software.

The next time you wonder whether or not you should do that voice-over job for $125, think of the tremendous impact your voice can have on the sales of a business. In these times of economic woes, an increase of 15% is a CEO’s dream. That’s surely worth more than a symbolic fee.

THE EISENBERG PRINCIPLE
NYTimes bestselling author Bryan Eisenberg is an authority and pioneer in online marketing and improving online conversion rates. He was the key note speaker at the Search Engine Strategies Expo in London on February 17th. His address was called: “21 Secrets of Top Converting Websites”. In his speech, the EyeView experiment was on the top of his list.

And when people ask me about my personal voice-over ‘secret’, this is what I tell them: even though it’s fun to do all kinds of accents and characters; 9 out of 10 times clients hire me because I sound like me, and not like somebody else.

That signature sound is a combination of my upbringing, my education, my travels, and my love for music and languages. My accent is the result of time spent living and working in The Netherlands, England, Israel and the United States. It’s a blend of my biology and my biography. I can honestly say that I do my best work as soon as I stop pretending to be someone I’m not.

Allow me to accentuate one last thing. Being me has one big advantage:

I have very little competition.

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS The more auditions you do, the greater your chances of landing a job, right? Or not? Read Bursting the Audition Bubble!

PPS are you receiving RSS Double Dutch updates yet?

Today, I went to “La Scala” in Milan, the most famous opera house in the world. It took me half an hour to get there. Rossini’s “Il viaggio a Reims” was shown at the same theater as where I had seen James Cameron’s two dimensional 3-D monsterpiece “Avatar”. In case you missed it: it’s that hyped-up, masterfully marketed mix of cinemagic, eco-babble and Blue Man Group against Giovanni Ribisi.

LIPSTICK AND PORK
Now, every “Iron Chef” aficionado knows that great plating does not make a perfect dish. Put differently: lipstick on a pig doesn’t make the pork taste better… even if that lipstick happens to be a groundbreaking multi-million dollar special effect. As for leading man Sam Worthington’s acting…. it was so flat; I found myself longing for Leonardo DiCaprio. Believe me, in my world, that’s not a good thing.

So, today I opened Pandora’s Box and ended up in Milan. The story of opera in cinema is the story of a great medium reinventing itself. If people don’t come to the opera, the opera will come to the people. Some skeptics said it would be easier for Montagues and Capulets to get along, than for opera and cinema. But I believe that this love story will have a happy ending. As a matter of fact, so do most episodes of Gordon Ramsay’s “Kitchen Nightmares” (how’s that for a smooth transition to my last installment about this show?).

VOICE-OVER MAKEOVER
If your voice-over career could use a makeover, Gordon Ramsay might just be the man to model. You may not like his style or his methods, but his ability to turn ailing eateries around has earned him a reputation. It’s based on a few key ingredients: expertise, experience, gut-feeling and market research.

Ultimately, it boils down to this. Whether you run a restaurant or a voice-over emporium, you have to feed a need. You have to see yourself as the solution to a problem. You are the pleasure that relieves the pain. But before you present your remedy, it is your job to identify your client’s needs, problems and pains to make sure that you are the aspirin that can take their headache away.

THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL
One of the reasons why many so businesses fail, is because they’re trying very hard to be something they’re not, or they’re offering something nobody wants. A brush is not a comb, and it’s useless to try to sell a comb to a bald man. Bald men might need Rogaine or a rug.

Gioachino Rossini -who, by the way, was an outstanding cook- knew what his customers wanted and he gave it to them. When Italian opera went out of vogue, he turned to French librettos. No more pasta. Boeff Bourgignon instead! How did he know that Italian was out? Because he knew his market and he was flexible enough to adjust his sails. It made him a very rich man. And famously fat, too.

STREETSMART
Back to another culinary giant and to “Kitchen Nightmares”. At some point in every episode, Chef Ramsay leaves the acrimony of the kitchen behind and hits the street. His mission is threefold:

1. to find out what people really think of the restaurant he’s trying to rescue
2. to scope out the competition
3. to identify a hole in the market

Armed with that information, he starts devising a plan for the reinvention and re-launch of the business. Translated to our voice-over world that means:

1. get an honest assessment of your strengths and weaknesses from an independent expert. Pick a person who will tell you what needs to be said; not what you’re hoping to hear
2. go online and spend a few days listening to the good, the bad and the ugly in this industry. The ugly will teach you what not to do. The best will tell you what has shaped their career and how they are selling themselves
3. find out where you come in; what’s your unique selling point; your niche?

Then, ask yourself two things:

• “If I would be the answer, what would the question be?”
• “What do I need to do today to get to where I want to be tomorrow?”

PEOPLE PLEASERS
It’s easier said than done, but please avoid making the basic beginner’s mistake of trying to be everything to everyone. Even someone as talented as Robin Williams has his limitations.

CBS news didn’t hire Morgan Freeman because he sounded like James Earl Jones. We all know he doesn’t. Freeman followed in Cronkite’s footsteps because he sounds like Morgan Freeman.

This does not mean that you shouldn’t have a range. However, that range should come from a place of “being” instead of from a place of “pretending” (if that makes any sense to you).

NEW & IMPROVED
Once Ramsey presents the restaurant with a new identity, he takes a good look at all the resources he can muster. It’s a cliché, but change has to come from within, and in this case it starts with the kitchen.

If you’ve seen the show a few times, you know that this almost always involves training or re-training the staff. Most often, this means back to basics. Hand-made super sharp German blades aren’t going to make a difference if your knifing skills don’t cut it. In your hands, they’re probably dangerous.

I’m pretty sure the kind folks at Sweetwater will happily sell you this Manley Reference Cardioid microphone. But let me ask you this: if you were a budding singer, would a new mic make you sound significantly better, or would singing lessons be a wiser investment?

Instead of spending a small fortune on gear, why not spend your money on quality training before you do anything else? I have seen colleagues go under, not because they lacked talent, but because they had the wrong priorities.

BACKYARD
Next, Ramsay usually simplifies the menu, basing it on fresh ingredients grown in the area. He also makes a point of forging a relationship between the restaurant and the local (business) community. He often invites neighboring opinion-leaders to the table. Instead of waiting for customers to come in, he forces the staff to be pro-active and reach out to potential patrons on the street and offer them a sample of the new menu.

There are several obvious lessons to be learned:

1.   The success of your business is equivalent to the strength of your relationships.
2.    Your biggest market might be right under your nose.
3.    Make sure people know that you exist and know what you have to offer.
4.    Don’t sit around and wait for that phone to ring.

PRESENTATION
With a new identity comes a new look. Restaurant owners who tell you that people are only coming for the food and not for the decor, are like voice-overs who insist that it’s all about the way they sound. The thing is: if you are a professional, you have to come across as one.

If you don’t feel comfortable putting your headshot on your landing page, fine, but at least make sure your website is easy to find, easy to navigate and that it whets people’s appetite. There’s a reason why the interior and the exterior of each restaurant get a thorough makeover on “Kitchen Nightmares.” If you want to get the part, you need to look the part.

LAST COURSE
Like a scrumptious desert, there’s one observation I reserved for last. It’s perhaps the most revealing part of this whole series.

It occurred to me that Chef Ramsay never suggests the owner take on the competition by lowering the prices, unless the items on the original menu were ridiculously overpriced.

It’s always about carefully and passionately prepared quality food. It’s about setting and maintaining high standards. It’s about value for money.

You don’t turn a business around by giving in to the lowest common denominator.

Ramsay might tell an owner to be less pretentious and offer simpler fare reflecting the skill set, experience and imagination of the person preparing the food. But he knows that it is perfectly reasonable to sell a good product at a good price. In fact, most people are willing to pay more for an outstanding product. It’s yet another sign of professionalism that you know what you’re worth and that you’re not afraid to charge accordingly.

THE RIGHT RECIPES
As I was leaving the movie theater, a lot was going through my mind. Mostly music. In a way, Rossini’s lavish operatic productions were the equivalent of today’s cinematic blockbusters. His sopranos and tenors were the celebrities of their day and age. Everywhere, people were humming his arias. We still do.

Even if you don’t know anything about opera, I’m sure you can sing one of the melodies from Rossini’s “Wilhelm Tell”, better known as the theme from “the Lone Ranger”. And if you happen to be a foodie, you’ve probably heard of the famous “Tournedos Rossini”, a French steak dish named after the culinary composer. No special effects or 3-D glasses required. And meat lovers say it’s out of this world.

Take that, Mr. Titanic! And hats off to you, Mr. Ramsay!

Paul Strikwerda ©2010

www.nethervoice.com

“WAKE UP YOU IDIOT! You’re about to lose your business, your best mate and your girlfriend. And you still don’t get it, do you?”

Gordon Ramsay was pulling out all the stops to talk some sense into the stubborn owner of the “Runaway Girl”.  The tapas bar in Sheffield was on the brink of collapse. In an effort to bring customers in, owner Justin Rowntree had sliced prices; served pre-cooked food out of plastic buckets and brought in live music. The result: runaway customers.

Instead of taking ownership, Justin refused to face the facts and dished out excuse after excuse. Unless he would start listening, his dream was doomed. But time was running out fast.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you’ve watched “Kitchen Nightmares” on the BBC or FOX, scenes like these are a staple ingredient of every episode. It’s very easy to think of this show as another formulaic piece of mindless entertainment. However, there might be more to it than that, especially if you are not too happy with the current state of your business. How would you react if Gordon Ramsay gave you a firm kick in the pants? Would you take his words to heart, or would you fight him tooth and nail?

“I’m always surprised at the reluctance of failing business owners to listen to Ramsay’s advice. I’m sure much of it is in the TV production, but it still seems silly,” commented one of the viewers online, after watching this season’s premiere. Well, what do you think? Is it all silliness, or are we witnessing the results of arrogance, denial and an innate inaptitude to self-evaluate?

MIRROR, MIRROR
I talked about denial  in my first installment, and today I’ll turn to our ability to look into the mirror and objectively assess our own behavior. But, is that even possible? Can we be brutally honest with ourselves? Should we even trust our own judgment?

First of all, it’s not something we can easily shut off (unless we’re masters of meditation). We’re constantly making judgment calls. Our business has developed in such a way that voice-seekers aren’t willing to pay for a director or a sound-engineer anymore. Instead, we end up directing, recording and editing ourselves. Not everyone is good at that. I’m willing to go even further: most of us stink at it because we can’t objectively listen to our own performance.

Thanks to years of conditioning, you and I suffer from selective memory, selective hearing, selective eyesight and selective reasoning. This commonly leads to ‘confirmation bias,’ a tendency to validate and reinforce our personal prejudices, regardless of the evidence. Studies have shown that, even if these beliefs are debunked, the discredited proof is filtered out as “irrelevant,” and we keep on clinging to our distorted version or reality. And if you strongly believe that this theory is utter hogwash, I have to thank you for proving my point.

FROM MY KITCHEN
A few weeks ago, I knew for sure that I had nailed an audition. There was nothing I could have done to make it any better. I proudly submitted my flawless demo, and I thought it was just a matter of time before the voice-seeker would call me saying: “You blew me away. No need to re-record it. We’ll use your MP3 as is. It’s brilliant.” Of course I never heard back from the producer, and I was convinced that he had made the biggest mistake of his career.

After the holidays I decided to listen to my masterpiece again, this time with fresh ears and a clear mind. You guessed it: in 2010, my ‘perfect’ audition didn’t sound so good after all. I should have known. There is a reason why writers don’t review their own books.

A DIFFERENT ANGLE
When I first started in television, I once got a call from a very angry cameraman. He had volunteered to climb to the top of a very tall tower to get ‘the perfect shot’ for a documentary we were working on. When he came down, he was perspiring profusely and it looked like he was about to collapse. “This is pure gold,” he said, catching his breath, as he proudly handed me the rushes.

Having watched the end result on TV, my camera guy was not amused. In fact, he was livid and demanded an explanation: “I climbed over 500 *** steps to get you a picture from that angle, and you decided to cut it out! Is that your way of thanking me?!” When he had calmed down a bit, I said to him: “I really appreciate you climbing to the top to get those shots. But when we looked at the footage in the editing room, it just didn’t work and we decided to use a close-up instead. You and I both know how much it took for you to get those shots. Ultimately, the public doesn’t care how many steps you had to climb. All they’re interested in is the big picture.”

I believe that we are our own worst critics. Usually, we’re too involved and too invested in our own efforts to see and hear what others are seeing and hearing. That’s why every translator needs a proofreader; every athlete needs a coach and every cameraman needs an editor. These professionals shouldn’t have to worry about hurting our feelings or massaging our ego. With the odd exception, I believe it’s best that these pros are outsiders with inside expertise. That’s the only way they can have any leverage at all.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO…
Meanwhile, the days of the “Runaway Girl” seemed numbered, even though a knowledgeable outsider was brought in to save the business from going bust. Chef Gordon Ramsay had to overcome yet another obstacle that had nothing to do with the quality of the food, the location of the restaurant or the atmosphere inside. Once again, it all came back to the headstrong owner who suffered from “premature closure”.

Premature closure is a term sometimes associated with cognitive diagnostic medical errors. It’s a tendency to stop considering other possible diagnoses after a diagnosis is reached. The idea behind it is that humans solve problems by searching for an explanation that best fits, and then they stop searching. Coupled with confirmation bias, premature closure can be a fatal mix in any hospital or court room.

BLOCKING INPUT
In education, students who suffer from “premature closure” are commonly referred to as “know-it-alls”. They seem easily distracted; they rarely pay attention; their questions aren’t really questions but attempts to show-off how much they know about the subject. People who think they know better have no incentive to listen and learn. Justin Rowntree was their poster child. Ramsay appeared to be talking to a wall.

I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be well-informed. I am suggesting that it’s even better to keep the door open and to realize that there’s always more to discover. Albert Einstein put it this way: “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” He also understood that knowledge in and of itself is useless unless applied in a sensible way.

CRISIS
There are at least two ways to break through these attitudes and patterns: the long road and a shortcut. The long road is based on the answer to the following question: “How do you eat an elephant?” Answer: “In very small bites”. In other words, change is created through a gradual process of small, manageable steps. Most therapies are based on that model.

However, the fastest way to bring about change is through a Significant Emotional Event. A crisis. For years, the staff at the “Runaway Girl” had told the owner that he needed to make major changes. But it wasn’t until Ramsay came in, that the desperate situation reached a boiling point and the pressure became unbearable. Something had to give…

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS Next time, we’ll take a look at the importance of relationships. Are you a one-man band on an island, or are you part of a huge network of professionals? Could you and should you run your business all by yourself?

PPS Did you subscribe to Double Dutch yet?

If you’re a quitter, don’t waste your time reading this article. If you don’t want to grow your business, move on to another blog. If you’re afraid to face the facts, by all means: keep your head buried in the sand. And if you think you know better… good for you. Now, PROVE IT!

“Harsh words to start off the New Year, Mr. Strikwerda,” my inner voice whispered. “For a moment, you sounded like that annoying English chef from ‘Hell’s Kitchen’. Why be so confrontational? 2010 has barely started. Why not write a nice poetic piece about splendid resolutions, good intentions, high hopes, big dreams and snowflakes? That should go down well at the start of the New Year. Cut your readers some slack!”

CREATURES OF HABIT
A 2007 survey of over 3,000 people conducted by psychologist Richard Wiseman led to one conclusion: 88% of all resolutions end in failure. Why?

1. People are stubbornly set in their old ways
2. People lack willpower and self-control

In my experience, good intentions are just as effective as wishful thinking, and are as lame as the word ‘try’. Hopes and dreams usually get stranded on a beach named “One day….” And if we are to believe behavioral psychologists, most of us will do more to avoid pain than to experience pleasure. In other words: you and I will put more effort into running away from the things we don’t want, than in moving toward the things we desire. [Provided we even know what we want. When asked, most people can tell you exactly what they don’t want: “I want to stop smoking. I don’t want to be overweight.” We tell our kids: "Don't touch that!" And what's the first thing they do?]

Making changes can be a painful process. If you’ve ever watched the show “Kitchen Nightmares”, you know exactly what I mean. Even if you’re not a fan of reality TV, and even if you can’t stand Gordon Ramsay (the foul-mouthed British chef who turns failing restaurants around), I’d like you to consider the following: is there something you and I could learn from this show and apply to our own business?

ANNUS HORRIBILIS
Let’s be honest: for many of us, 2009 hasn’t been the best year on record. I know that some of you are seriously thinking of giving up. Others are still wondering what went wrong. But even if the past year wasn’t too bad, you want your business to grow and do even better, don’t you? So, if quitting is not an option, how can you overcome your challenges, and make this year the best one ever?

Problems are never solved at the level they were created, and that’s why I find it very helpful to look outside of my own field. Success does leave clues, and you don’t need to be a CSI-specialist to find them. That’s why I’d like to take you inside ‘Kitchen Nightmares’, and identify some of the ingredients of failure and success that may very well help us turn our businesses around.

STRATEGY FOR CHANGE
From a therapeutic point of view, Gordon Ramsay’s show follows a classic approach for bringing about change. There are three stages in this strategy:

1.    PRESENT STATE (a.k.a. problem state)
2.    RESOURCES
3.    OUTCOME STATE (a.k.a. resolution state)

“Kitchen Nightmares” starts off by showing us why and how a restaurant is failing (present state). Then, top-chef Ramsay comes to the rescue, offering his experience and expertise (resources). Following his advice, changes are put into place and the restaurant has a successful re-launch (outcome state). A few months later, Ramsay returns to the scene of the crime to find out how the restaurant is doing.

Okay, let’s rewind. If you’ve watched “Kitchen Nightmares” a couple of times, you must have noticed a common theme: Businesses don’t fail. People fail. People are the biggest asset and the biggest obstacle. If you wish to turn a business around, you must turn the people around. Now, why is that easier said than done? Here are a few clues.

DENIAL
Once upon a time, all owners had a dream: to run a restaurant. Lack of culinary skills and the absence of business acumen did not stop them. Years later, their beloved business is one bill away from bankruptcy. Strangers can smell the smoke from a distance, but the owner pretends that there’s no fire. Denial is one of the biggest stumbling blocks on the road to transformation. Why make changes if you don’t believe something’s wrong? Ask anyone who’s ever been in therapy.

CONFRONTATION
In the next scene, Gordon Ramsay enters the restaurant. He usually orders the signature dish. Fans of the show already know the food is going to look terrible and will taste even worse. As Ramsay tries to describe his disgusting dining experience, some of his words have to be bleeped out. Leaving most of the meal on the plate, he storms into the kitchen where the chef/owner is obliviously bragging about the menu.

“Bloody Bleep! That’s probably the worst *** I’ve ever tasted,” says Ramsay. “Are you out of your mind? You could have killed me with that raw fish. How dare you serve that load of ***?”

Instead of taking this as a wake-up call, most chefs are as shocked as they are in denial. They get the food back, but can’t take the feedback. Instead, most respond by putting up a wall of DEFENSIVENESS and BLAME. They’ll say things like: “I’ve never heard anyone complain about the fish. It’s bought in. All I do is heat it up. Besides, who do you think you are to criticize me? The ‘great’ Gordon Ramsay? Give me a break!”

As tempers flare, the camera captures close-ups of tired sous-chefs, worn-down waitstaff and desperate significant others. The same words are written on their faces: “We’ve tried to tell him many times, but he just won’t listen. He always knows best.”

TIME-OUT
Let’s leave the show for a minute or two, and talk about your business. At one point in your life you had a dream. What happened to it? I’m sure you’ve invested a lot in professional demos; you use the right gear; you did tons of auditions; you have an online presence and we can find your innermost thoughts on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn. But did it get you anywhere? Have you made any money lately? Did you break even? Do you even know how much you’d need to make in order to do that? Or do you happen to run a non-profit the IRS considers to be a hobby?

Listen, this is not rocket science. If you feel lost, the first thing you need to do is admit it. Don’t be like the typical guy who drives around in circles because he won’t concede that he has no idea where he is. Instead, you have to determine where you are and how you got there. Only then can you start thinking of where you want to be and what path to follow. Better still: step out of your box and ask for directions! Preferably, ask someone who knows the area; listen carefully and make notes.

When asking an expert, I suggest you get down to specifics. Sure, you want things to be ‘better’, but compared to what? Do you want to make more money? Who doesn’t? Most motivational speakers would give you a nickel and tell you: “See, you just made more money!” You probably want to make more than you’re making right now, but how are you going to determine that, if you don’t know how much you need to earn? You have to be as detailed as you can. Vague ideas lead to vague results. The only people ever to make money off vague ideas were impressionist painters. But by the time their paintings were worth millions, they were long gone.

MORE TO COME
This was just the first course.  In the next installment, we’ll continue our Kitchen Nightmare, and I will tell you about creating a wholesome crisis, as well as the devastating effect of ‘premature closure’. And no…. this has nothing to do with shutting your business down too early. Bon apetit!

Paul Strikwerda © 2010

www.nethervoice.com

PS Start the year the right way and subscribe to Double Dutch! Click here, or the “subscribe-button” on the right, or the RSS logo on top. That way, you’ll never miss another blog post!

PPS did you check out Taji’s new-and-improved Voice Emporium yet?