Announcer Voice | Double Dutch

Mar 25 2010

10 ways to spot a voice-over amateur

“Dad,” said my almost eight year old daughter…

“What does baklava taste like?”

“It’s like a slice of heaven”, I answered.

“In that case… I don’t want it,” she replied.

“Why not?” I asked. “It’s sooo good!”

My daughter answered:

“I don’t want to taste dead people in my mouth.”

Moments like that are priceless. It’s great to be a parent! This slice of life also reminded me of the fact that things that are apparent to you and me, might not always be so obvious to others. Take language for instance.

THE NATIONAL PASTIME
Here in America, we’re used to all these baseball-related expressions. Ten years ago, I had no idea what would happen if life would “throw me a curve ball”. How could I? The Dutch are crazy about ice skating. This was a whole new ballgame!

Yesterday, a videographer touched base with me because he was looking for a narrator. He had used an on-line service to find a voice, and now he was lost in eighty plus auditions. Before he could give me a play-by-play, I jumped in and asked: “Do you really know what you’re listening for?”

“Well,” he said, I don’t want a rookie. I want someone who can hit it out of the park. I mean, this script is a can of corn, and I wouldn’t want a wannabe to drop the ball on me.”

When I heard those words, I knew it was my time to step up to the plate.

TEN RED FLAGS
I’ve been in the business for over 25 years, and it usually takes me 2.5 seconds to identify someone from the bush league. I don’t even need to hear them read a script. Just tell me how much, or rather, how little they charge. Cheap rates are the first red flag.

The second red flag is the quality of the recording. These days, most talents will record in their home studio. It’s cheaper and more convenient, but the quality can definitely suffer. Here are a few common problems.

The volume might be too low, or certain words might be too loud and distorted (that’s called ‘clipping’). You might also hear cars passing by or a dog barking in the background. That should tell you that the recording was not made in a dedicated, soundproofed space. Building a sound booth can set you back thousands of dollars. Most beginners don’t have that much to invest.

If you happen to hear hissing, it’s usually the result of cheap gear or turning up volume settings too high. A hum on the recording is typically caused by a ground loop. It occurs when there is more than one ground connection path between two pieces of equipment. Pros know that. Amateurs have no idea and don’t know how to fix it.

A third indicator is bad microphone technique. How can you tell? You’ll hear popping plosives like P’s, B’s and T’s. You might also hear harsh and shrill S-sounds (so-called ‘sibilance’) that tickle your ear drum in an unpleasant way.

Tip-off number four is lack of vocal technique. An amateur might take very noticeable breaths. Breathing is such a natural thing; most of us aren’t even aware that we’re doing it. Being close to a mic enhances every single sound. Pros have practiced and mastered the ‘silent breath’.

Amateur recordings can also be filled with annoying lip smacks, mouth noises, clicks and crackles. Some of them can be edited out, but bad edits are a fifth sign of amateurism.

Sloppy articulation and incorrect pronunciation come in on number six. Some amateurs are rather lazy speakers, and their delivery will lack clarity, especially when they pick up the tempo. I’ve also heard beginners over articulate certain words, making them sound unnatural and contrived. A professional narrator will do her homework and will correctly pronounce words such as inaniloquent, rastaquouere or nudiustertian.

Poor or inappropriate delivery is clue number seven. You don’t want your serious documentary narrated by an overselling wannabee actor who has watched too many infomercials. Local radio show hosts give themselves away because they have cultivated an “announcer voice”. You’re listening for a crisp, natural delivery. Not for a news reader.

Number eight: the inability to interpret a script. Any text can be read in a million ways. A voice-over professional will always sound like he knows what he’s talking about (even if he doesn’t). An amateur will sound insecure, lost and untrustworthy.

A professional is flexible and appreciates and incorporates feedback fast without fussing. A pro can be coached. An amateur is afraid of criticism; is inflexible and needs a lot of hand-holding and training. What you might save in terms of money, you will inevitably lose in valuable time (not to mention the aggravation…).

Expert firefighter Red Adair once said:

“If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional to do the job,

wait until you hire an amateur.”

Number ten is my personal favorite. You can always spot an amateur by the way certain questions are answered. A few examples:

You: “What kind of monitors do you have?”
Amateur: “What do you mean? I have an 18 inch flat screen Dell monitor”
(monitor is another name for loudspeaker)

You: “How did you stage your gain? Outside or inside the box?”
Amateur: “I don’t really perform on stage. Is there something to gain by doing that?”
(Gain staging means setting the volume levels)

You: “Newman recently came out with a ribbon shotgun microphone. It’s only $199! Should I buy it?”
Amateur: “Really? I didn’t know that! I thought Newman was a Seinfeld character.”
(The correct spelling is Neumann and it is pronounced “Noy-mahn”. There is no such thing as a ribbon shotgun microphone, and Neumanns never come that cheap).

HOME RUN
“You’re an Ace”, my videographer friend said. “Thanks for all these tips. You deserve a place in my Hall of Fame. How did you come up with all that stuff?”