Double Dutch

Thanks to the internet, any business is now a global business. Getting through to non-native English speakers can be a serious challenge.

But just because your client knows a few English words, doesn’t mean he understands everything you’re saying.

Here’s how not to get lost in translation.

“I have a good one,” I said to my friend from France.

“Why do gun-carrying Americans usually wear short-sleeved shirts?”

“No idea,” he answered. “You tell me.”

“Because they believe in the right to bear arms.”

Silence…

“Sorry, but I don’t get it,” said Philippe. “Explain.”

“Well,” I said, “I can try, but I don’t think it would make the Second Amendment any funnier.”

“Oh, was it supposed to be funny?”

“Well, Philippe, some people think that puns are bad by definition.”

“What’s a pun?” Philippe wanted to know.

Have you ever had a conversation like that? All along you thought that you and your foreign friend were on the same page, but now you’re not even sure you’re reading the same book. How is that possible? Both of you speak English, don’t you?

ENGLISH RULES
I’ll be totally honest with you: native English speakers are spoiled rotten. Practically the whole planet has adopted your language as the lingua franca of business, and so you expect everyone to be on your page… linguistically and -dare I say- even culturally.

Not so fast, my Anglophone friends! There is a whole world out there of people who don’t get it that you don’t get it when they don’t get it… Got it?

Even though your mother tongue blasts out of every radio and television station 24/7, you shouldn’t automatically assume that we understand everything you say or write. You really have no idea how complicated Shakespeare’s language can be.

Take a simple word like “call.” Pick up Webster’s dictionary and you’ll find 15 definitions for the noun alone. That’s asking for trouble. Here are two actual mistranslations from movie and TV subtitles:

A priest explains “That’s when I got my call from God.”

The subtitle reads: “That’s when God telephoned me.”

A general has to decide whether or not to bomb an urban target, and he says: “It’s a tough call.”

The subtitle reads: “It’s hard to make a phone call.”

As someone who has been breathing in the English language from birth, it is almost impossible for you to imagine what life is like with English as your second or third language. That only changes once the tables are turned and you start learning another language yourself.

NO GAIN, NO PAIN
Imagine being in a crowded Parisian bakery to get some fresh bread. Suddenly, you are overcome by that embarrassing surge of helplessness, because your French vocabulary is still limited to that of a bedwetting toddler. All the locals are staring at you as you utter these infamous words, while pointing at a warm baguette:

“Pain pour moi madame. Merci.”

Painful, indeed.

Thank goodness the woman behind the counter was merciful.

GETTING DOWN TO BUSINESS
In my last article, I stressed the importance of following-up with your contacts. Today, I’ll take a closer look at written communication, in particular, when it comes to dealing with non-English speakers.

Even though I live and work on the East Coast of the U.S., fifty percent of my clients are on other continents and for many, English is a second or third language. That means that I constantly have to bridge the linguistic and cultural divide as I respond to job offers, negotiate rates or simply share information about my voice-over services. Because English isn’t my first language either, I might be more sensitive to translation issues.

This is what I have learned so far:

1. Beware of the power of The Written Word!
Isn’t it true that, although we provide less information, printed words always seem to carry more weight? Even though communication experts tell us that we convey most of our meaning through inflection and body language, somehow, the written word seems more authoritative. Especially when coming form a trustworthy source,  people are not inclined to doubt what they read.

Case in point: when I published a completely fabricated story on an invention called “the Mic Warmer,” most of my readers fell for it, in spite of the fact that the news broke on April Fools’ Day. The next day I revealed and retracted the hoax and yet, the serious comments kept coming in. I still get emails from folks who want to know when the Mic Warmer will be on the market and how much it will cost.

The fact is: people believe what they want to believe and they are inclined to seek confirmation of those beliefs without verifying sources. We all know that President Obama is a Muslim, don’t we?

Who has time to fact-check those Tweets coming from ordinary people turned biased reporting bystanders? The need for speedy news flashes has taken precedence over the need for accurate information. It turns out, we can’t even trust news professionals anymore.

Mike Wise, a sports columnist at The Washington Post, was suspended after purposely spreading false information on Twitter (source) to prove that people would believe pretty much any tweet. Guess what? He was right. Other news outlets picked up his ‘scoop’ and ran with it, no questions asked.

Here’s one more reason why you should weigh the written word more carefully, not only as a reader.

The private is becoming increasingly more public. While spoken words disintegrate as soon as they are uttered, your emails could be kept for years. That hasty, silly comment you left online after you drank a glass of wine, still pops up when people Google your name… even after three years. Reputation management is booming because…

2. Readers are inclined to take the written word more literally.
People can’t see that twinkle in your eyes or hear the subtle sarcasm in your voice when they’re reading your email or text message. That’s why emoticons were invented. But is it professional to use a smiley face when you’re writing to that senior German project manager? Personally, I feel that emoticons should be sent back to where they came from: to the teenage chat rooms LOL.

The fact that the written word is taken literally, is also a reason why humor doesn’t work well. First of all, what seems hysterical to one person could be offensive to another. Secondly, as my conversation with Philippe illustrates, not everyone will be equally thrilled when you throw in a pun or two. Understanding wordplay requires a greater command of a language, as well as a more in-depth knowledge of a culture.

My advice: be personable but keep things business-like. And please consider this…

3. Manners Matter.
I can’t get over the fact that some folks can be downright rude in their writing. Call me old-fashioned, but I’m inclined to start a movement to bring the words “please” and “thank you” back into everyday language.

How much does it cost to be polite? How hard is it to treat people with a little respect? And what about all the name-calling?

Just because you are used to dealing with people on a first-name basis, doesn’t mean that the rest of the world has followed suit. In fact, you’ll find that -compared to the States- most countries are far more formal, and even more so in a business context.

If you’re not sure about the correct etiquette, err on the side of caution. As a rule of thumb, I always let the other party take the lead. If they wish to be addressed by their first name, believe me, they will let you know.

I also think it is a common courtesy to proof your messages before you send them. Cheq your grammer and speling. I know its nice to here from me, but your not looking very proffesional right now. Their you have it! Now, remember…

4. Keep your focus on the client.
Do yourself a favor and look at one of your most recent business emails. How many times did you count the word “I” in that message? What does that tell you? What could you have done differently to make that message less about you and more about your customer?

If you’re a follower of my tweets, you’ll have noticed that I started a “Less Self Campaign” in response to the ME, ME, ME mentality that has gone absolutely viral. I can understand that people are trying to market themselves using social ME-dia. But could you please stop quoting from that book called ‘my career’ all the time? In most cases, it’s rather thin and quite repetitive.

This is what I’d like to ask those Me, Me, Me-people:

Why do you feel the need to make yourself the center of the universe? Did your parents not love you enough when you were young? Does your partner take you for granted? Are your friends unappreciative? Do you think that this is what ‘branding’ is all about?

Don’t you realize that what others say about you is taken far more seriously than what you’ll ever have to say about yourself? Your customers are your best credentials.

Understand first… then be understood. It’s never about you. The needs of your client take center stage, whether they live next door or abroad. I also hope you’ll embrace the following principle:

5. KISS your clients.
So much to do. So little time. Now you want me to read this email-novel listing all your accomplishments followed by an endless list of clients, projects and other claims to fame? Give me a break!

I think that there’s much to be said for keeping things short and simple. Perhaps I should leave it at that. But you know me…

Especially when writing to a non-native English speaker, it’s important to use plain English without dumbing things down to Kindergarten level.  Simple doesn’t mean simplistic. Avoid long sentences, colloquialisms, slang, jargon and expressions that aren’t exactly universal.

The first time someone said he would give me a rain check, I had no idea what he was talking about and it really rubbed me the wrong way. I thought that person was off his rocker.

Also avoid references to politics, songs, TV shows, advertising campaigns or other phenomena that might be part of your culture, but perhaps unknown abroad.

Even though a show like ‘Seinfeld’ is in syndication all over the world, the impact it has in the context of another country is very different. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Just realize that things like ‘double-dipping,’ the ‘soup Nazi’ or other famous phrases and characters might not have the same effect they have on average Americans. How much do you know about Italian sitcoms?  And finally…

6. Be kind. Unwind.
One of the biggest adjustments a European needs to make when coming to the States is the fact that work never seems to stop. Even God rested on the Seventh Day, but the American people keep on truckin’… I even receive business emails on national holidays and my U.S. contacts expect me to answer them promptly.

In Holland (my birthplace) we have things called weekends where people actually relax and spend some downtime with friends and family…

So, don’t be surprised if you’re not getting an immediate response to that urgent email you sent on Friday night. You’re not being ignored. These crazy Europeans are just unwinding and practicing preventative health care. They’ll get back to you on Monday.

If they happen to be on vacation, they might get back to you in four weeks. Did you honestly think that they’d be checking their work email every day? Are you nuts?! Work is work. Time off is time off.

It’s so easy to forget that as an American you live in a no vacation nation. Out of the 33 richest countries in the world, the U.S. is the only one with no legally-required paid vacation for its workers.

To Americans, vacation is a luxury. To Europeans, it is a necessity.

MINDFULNESS
What I’m really saying is this: please become a mindful (international) communicator. This doesn’t start with acquiring knowledge. If all we’d need to change our lives was information, no one would still be smoking or send text messages while driving. Am I right? Information does not transform people. We have to become mindful first.

Mindfulness is an attitude. It’s about being perceptive and sensitive. It’s about the willingness and ability to see the world through someone else’s eyes… for a change. The easiest way to do that is through immersion.

Go away on a shoestring budget! Visit foreign lands. Taste bizarre foods. Become dependent on the kindness of strangers because you don’t speak the language. Don’t bribe the locals with dollars to treat you decently. Let’s see how long that lasts when pickpockets steal your cash, credit cards and passports…

Most importantly: participate. Don’t just observe.

Believe me, on your return, your homeland will never seem the same.

BULLET PROOF
The other day I got an email from my friend Philippe. He wrote:

“Paul, I have a good one for you!

I looked up the right to bear arms.

This is what I found.

Your Constitution says it is okay to carry guns.

But it doesn’t say that these guns have to be loaded.

Now, that’s funny, no?”

“Oh, Philippe,” I said. “You just gave me more ammunition to write a whole new blog.

I guess I better roll up my sleeves!”

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS What lessons have you learned from communicating with international clients?

PPS If you do wish to read up on international etiquette, I highly recommend Dean Foster’s books and other offerings.

Technorati Tags: bridging the cultural divide, Dean Foster, Dutch voice over, English as lingua franca, intercultural communication, Less Self Campaign, mistakes in international communication, Nethervoice, non-native English speakers, Paul Strikwerda, Seinfeld, the power of the written word, twitter

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