Double Dutch

“Dad,” said my almost eight year old daughter…

“What does baklava taste like?”

“It’s like a slice of heaven”, I answered.

“In that case… I don’t want it,” she replied.

“Why not?” I asked. “It’s sooo good!”

My daughter answered:

“I don’t want to taste dead people in my mouth.”

Moments like that are priceless. It’s great to be a parent! This slice of life also reminded me of the fact that things that are apparent to you and me, might not always be so obvious to others. Take language for instance.

THE NATIONAL PASTIME
Here in America, we’re used to all these baseball-related expressions. Ten years ago, I had no idea what would happen if life would “throw me a curve ball”. How could I? I was born and raised in Holland and the Dutch are crazy about ice skating. This was a whole new ballgame!

Yesterday, a videographer touched base with me because he was looking for a narrator. He had used an on-line service to find a voice, and now he was lost in eighty plus auditions. Before he could give me a play-by-play, I jumped in and asked: “Do you really know what you’re listening for?”

“Well,” he said, I don’t want a rookie. I want someone who can hit it out of the park. I mean, this script is a can of corn, and I wouldn’t want a wannabe to drop the ball on me.”

When I heard those words, I knew it was my time to step up to the plate.

TEN RED FLAGS
I’ve been in the business for over 25 years, and it usually takes me 2.5 seconds to identify someone from the bush league. I don’t even need to hear them read a script. Just tell me how much, or rather, how little they charge. Cheap rates are the first red flag.

The second red flag is the quality of the recording. These days, most talents will record in their home studio. It’s cheaper and more convenient, but the quality can definitely suffer. Here are a few common problems.

The volume might be too low, or certain words might be too loud and distorted (that’s called ‘clipping’). You might also hear cars passing by or a dog barking in the background. That should tell you that the recording was not made in a dedicated, soundproofed space. Building a sound booth can set you back thousands of dollars. Most beginners don’t have that much to invest.

If you happen to hear hissing, it’s usually the result of cheap gear or turning up volume settings too high. A hum on the recording is typically caused by a ground loop. It occurs when there is more than one ground connection path between two pieces of equipment. Pros know that. Amateurs have no idea and don’t know how to fix it.

A third indicator is bad microphone technique. How can you tell? You’ll hear popping plosives like P’s, B’s and T’s. You might also hear harsh and shrill S-sounds (so-called ‘sibilance’) that tickle your ear drum in an unpleasant way.

Tip-off number four is lack of vocal technique. An amateur might take very noticeable breaths. Breathing is such a natural thing; most of us aren’t even aware that we’re doing it. Being close to a mic enhances every single sound. Pros have practiced and mastered the ‘silent breath’.

Amateur recordings can also be filled with annoying lip smacks, mouth noises, clicks and crackles. Some of them can be edited out, but bad edits are a fifth sign of amateurism.

Sloppy articulation and incorrect pronunciation come in on number six. Some amateurs are rather lazy speakers, and their delivery will lack clarity, especially when they pick up the tempo. I’ve also heard beginners over articulate certain words, making them sound unnatural and contrived. A professional narrator will do her homework and will correctly pronounce words such as inaniloquent, rastaquouere or nudiustertian.

Poor or inappropriate delivery is clue number seven. You don’t want your serious documentary narrated by an overselling wannabee actor who has watched too many infomercials. Local radio show hosts give themselves away because they have cultivated an “announcer voice”. You’re listening for a crisp, natural delivery. Not for a news reader.

Number eight: the inability to interpret a script. Any text can be read in a million ways. A voice-over professional will always sound like he knows what he’s talking about (even if he doesn’t). An amateur will sound insecure, lost and untrustworthy.

A professional is flexible and appreciates and incorporates feedback fast without fussing. A pro can be coached. An amateur is afraid of criticism; is inflexible and needs a lot of hand-holding and training. What you might save in terms of money, you will inevitably lose in valuable time (not to mention the aggravation…).

Expert firefighter Red Adair once said:

“If you think it’s expensive to hire a professional to do the job,

wait until you hire an amateur.”

Number ten is my personal favorite. You can always spot an amateur by the way certain questions are answered. A few examples:

You: “What kind of monitors do you have?”
Amateur: “What do you mean? I have an 18 inch flat screen Dell monitor”
(monitor is another name for loudspeaker)

You: “How did you stage your gain? Outside or inside the box?”
Amateur: “I don’t really perform on stage. Is there something to gain by doing that?”
(Gain staging means setting the volume levels)

You: “Newman recently came out with a ribbon shotgun microphone. It’s only $199! Should I buy it?”
Amateur: “Really? I didn’t know that! I thought Newman was a Seinfeld character.”
(The correct spelling is Neumann and it is pronounced “Noy-mahn”. There is no such thing as a ribbon shotgun microphone, and Neumanns never come that cheap).

HOME RUN
“You’re an Ace”, my videographer friend said. “Thanks for all these tips. You deserve a place in my Hall of Fame. How did you come up with all that stuff?”

“Oh, you know… I’ve been around the block a few times,” I replied. It’s not exactly rocket science. And as Yogi Berra once said:

Voice acting is 90% mental, the other half is physical.

By the way…. I think it’s time to stop putting all these baseball references into my blog. It gets old after a while. People get it.

“I don’t know,” said my friend. “Can you give me a rain check on that one?”

“Alright, that’s it! I’m not playing your game anymore,” I said.

“I am going to make myself a nice strong cup of coffee.

And guess what I’m having with it?

Some delicious pastry made of layers of phyllo dough filled with chopped nuts and honey.”

Ah… the sweet pleasures of life: Baseball and Baklava…

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

PS Does the temperature of your microphone influence the way you sound? Read the story of my unexpected discovery…

Technorati Tags: announcer voice, bad microphone technique, baklava, Baseball expressions, British voice-over, clipping, Dutch voice over, English voice-over, German voice-over, hiss, how to spot a voiceover amateur, lazy speaker, Nethervoice, Neumann microphones, Paul Strikwerda, Red Adair, script interpretation, shotgun microphone, sibilance, the national pastime, voice-over amateur, voice-over talent, Yogi Berra

The rumors started a few years ago. It all began when they had seen her struggle to get to the car. It was not a pretty sight.

Swaying from one side to the other, Jennifer stopped to take a breath and regain her balance. Her brain was telling her body to walk upright, with that strong, steady gait she had always been so proud of. But somehow, that message didn’t reach her muscles because she kept on waddling like a duck.

As she looked down, she realized how uneven the sidewalk was. Every tile that was sticking out turned it into an obstacle course.

She stopped again and looked at her neighbor’s porch. A shadow quickly moved away from the front window.

When she finally reached the car, she had to hold on to it, to stay on her feet. Jennifer opened the door and swung herself into the driver’s seat. When she drove away, she already felt exhausted, and the day had barely begun. She wondered how well she would do at the audition.

NEIGHBORS
The people next door were old school. They didn’t say much, and when they did, it was usually behind her back. Much of the world was a mystery to them, and yet, they acted as if they knew everything.

For one, they thought that Jennifer was lazy, because she hardly ever left for work in the morning. They had no idea that Jennifer had a state of the art voice-over home studio equipped with ISDN and SourceConnect.

Secondly, they were pretty sure that Jennifer was faking a handicap. One day, they had seen her walking with a cane. The next day, she seemed to be totally fine. Besides, she looked great. Sick people usually don’t look that good.

Perhaps Jennifer was feigning disability to get money from the government. How else could she afford the mortgage? After all, she had no job and people abuse the system all the time.

The neighbors also knew something else: Jennifer liked a drink or two… or three. That would explain the swaying and the stumbling on the sidewalk. In short: Jennifer was a jobless, lazy drunk who shouldn’t even be driving. She should be ashamed of herself!

THE STAGGERING TRUTH
This week is MS Awareness week, and like many other people who suffer from multiple sclerosis, Jennifer was gearing up for the annual Walk MS event in May. She needed sponsors for the walk and she decided to stay close to home. Jennifer loved to bake and had an idea: she would go door-to-door with her delicious home-made cookies and raise funds for the event.

As the oven was heating up, she thought back to the last meeting of her support group. That night, they had discussed the many misconceptions surrounding MS.

Larry, the facilitator, warned everybody:

“When it comes to a chronic illness like MS, if it’s not visible, it does not exist. In other words: as long as you’re not in a wheelchair, people tend to think that you must be doing alright.

Some folks think that MS is the result of a poor diet or negative thinking. In other words: you’re basically doing it to yourself. Eating healthy and an optimistic attitude alone could solve the problem. Wouldn’t that be lovely?

As you know, many MS symptoms are silent; different people have different symptoms and some of them come and go. There’s poor coordination, fatigue, vertigo, visual disturbances, tremors, spasticity, weakness, slurred speech, unstable walking, sensitivity to heat… do I need to go on?”

POLLING THE PEOPLE
“When they surveyed people in the UK about MS last year, almost half of the respondents couldn’t name a single symptom. Others believed that MS was contagious or inherited and almost always fatal. None of that is true. Mind you, the people that were interviewed were from a cross-section of the population. They weren’t exactly uneducated.

So, on top of suffering from a nearly invisible autoimmune disease, people with MS also suffer from these myths and misconceptions.”

At that point, Carlos interjected. He had been a flight attendant for many years, until MS had him grounded.

“I always tell people: Even though I have this disease, it’s not who I am. I’m still the same person. I don’t want your sympathy. I want your understanding.”

SPONSORS NEEDED
While Jennifer was making her cookie dough, I thought of the things I could do raise money and awareness. I decided that it was time to re-launch my campaign for the Walk. It’s called “Giving a voice to MS”. This is how it works.

There must be people who’d love to have their favorite poem or short story read by a professional narrator. Well, when you make a donation to my Walk MS-team, you can send me a short script and I’ll record it for you as my way of saying “Thank You”. You can donate from anywhere in the world. For now, my campaign is geared toward the general public, but I’m willing to consider corporate sponsorships for more substantial gifts.

This year, my goal is more ambitious than ever: I want to raise at least $1500 for the fight to find a cure. Here’s where things stand. My campaign started at the end of last year, and thanks to the generosity of one colleague, I managed to raise 25 dollars.

Every amount counts, but I really need to step it up if I want to come close to my target. Please click on the MS-banner on the right, for details. Even if you don’t need me to record something for you, you can still make a donation!

FEELING IT
Have you ever wondered what it feels like to have MS? Singer-songwriter Kristie Salerno Kent was officially diagnosed in November 1999. She made a short film about living with MS. Please take a few moments to watch it. I think you’ll like her approach. Depending on your computer, you might have to turn the volume up a little:

DOOR-TO-DOOR
Let’s pick up Jennifer’s story where we left off. Her scrumptious chocolate chip cookies were ready and wrapped with an orange ribbon. Within the hour, she had sold almost her entire batch to the people on her block, and there was only one house left: the neighbors. On her last legs, she rang the doorbell.

“What’s up with you?” asked the neighbor. “It looks like you were hit by a truck.”

“Oh well,” said Jennifer. “It’s the fatigue. I’ve been going door-to-door to sell these cookies for the MS Walk…”

“I know exactly what you mean,” interrupted the neighbor. I get tired too. We all do. Just get some rest and you’ll be okay. Why are you selling cookies? Did you join the Girl Scouts?”

“It’s for people who want to sponsor my team for the MS Walk in May. You get three for a dollar,” said Jennifer.

“MS… that’s what Michael J. Fox has, right?” asked the neighbor. “He looks fine to me. Saw him on the Olympics a few weeks ago. Once an actor, always an actor.”

“I believe he has Parkinson’s,” said Jennifer. “I raise money for Multiple Sclerosis.”

“I’ll tell you what,” said the neighbor. “I just gave money to those people in Haiti, and I’m sure you’ll make someone else happy with these cookies for Multiple… whatever it is. Right now, my pizzas have arrived.”

As Jennifer walked back to her house, the guy from Domino’s made his delivery.

“Sir, that’ll be $18.98”.

“Here’s twenty five,” said the neighbor. “Keep the change.”

Paul Strikwerda © 2010
www.nethervoice.com

FACTS*
MS is a chronic, unpredictable neurological disease that affects the central nervous system.

Approximately 400,000 Americans have MS, and every hour someone is newly diagnosed. Worldwide, MS affects about 2.1 million people. Even though there is no cure, there are now FDA-approved medications that have been shown to “modify” or slow down the underlying course of MS. In addition, many therapeutic and technological advances are helping people manage symptoms.

MS SOCIETY
The National MS Society is the largest nonprofit organization in the United States supporting research for the treatment, prevention and cure of multiple sclerosis. Approximately 83% of Society income is devoted to research and service programs that enhance the lives of people with MS and their families.

WALK MS
Every spring nearly 300,000 people unite across the country to participate in Walk MS. All walks have an accessible route so people of all abilities can participate. Funds raised support the Society’s research and services programs. For more information click on the MS banner on the right, and visit walkMS.org.

TO GIVE AND TO GET
And finally… If you’re enjoying my articles and found them to be of value, I am thrilled. But what would make me even happier, is if you were to make a donation as a sign of your appreciation. To add your contribution, click on the MS banner to go to my Walk MS site. Your support means the world to me! Thank you.

*Source: National MS Society

PS Are you ready for my most popular article ever?

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Should voice-over artists be afraid of artificial unintelligence? Will robots take over the role of narrator or do voice-over professionals still have a future?

The man, who had lost his voice from thyroid cancer, spoke again on the Oprah Winfrey show. Last Tuesday, Film critic Roger Ebert gave his Oscar predictions with the help of text-to-speech (TTS) software that speaks whatever he types.

The first computer-based speech synthesis systems were created in the late 1950s. They’ve come a long way, but a lot of TTS software still sounds rather robotic and unnatural. That’s why Ebert turned to Scottish firm CereProc for help. CereProc actually uses someone’s audio recordings to create a digital voice that comes very close to the real thing.

Usually, CereProc has people come in to their studio and record about 15 hours of audio. This is used to re-create the original voice. In Ebert’s case, they used audio commentary he had made for several DVD documentaries. The quality was poor and the recordings were not as long as they would have liked. Nevertheless, they did the impossible and gave Ebert his voice back.

Here’s Ebert with his wife Chaz, as he first tries out his new voice:

OUR NEW COMPETITOR
TTS software is not only used for people who have lost the ability to speak. It’s used to capture accents and dialects that are on the verge of dying out. People also use it to learn a foreign language. There’s one other application you should be aware of: it could be used to replace you and me!

Poland-based Ivona Text-to-Speech advertises:

“Save money spent on voice talent recordings. You do not have to look for recording studios and speakers. You do not waste time concluding agreements and contacting the contractors and it’s accessible 24/7.”

If you want to get an idea of what this software is capable of, go to their website; type in a few words and have a digital voice read it back to you.

Rival NeoSpeech, headquartered in California claims: 

“Robotic voices are now history.”

Neospeech offers nine different voices that speak US English, Mexican Spanish, Korean, Japanese and Mandarin Chinese for a wide range of hand-held devices, desktop and network/server applications.

POLITICAL VOICES
If it weren’t for a certain former president, Roger Ebert might never have  found CereProc. Ebert came across the Bush-o-Matic talking head, a hilarious re-creation of the 43rd president. I must admit: Bush never sounded so articulate! You can make him say things that are intelligent, and even make him wink, squint or blink.

The CereProc engineers pieced the voice of Bush together from his weekly radio address. It’s kind of scary, but in a fun way. Just to be fair, they added a virtual version of president Obama’s voice and the inimitable accent of California governor Schwarzenegger.

As you can tell from the audio samples, CereProc is getting close, but we’re not quite there yet. One of the biggest challenges any TTS provider needs to overcome, is how to add some emotion to the speech.  Most voices still sound a bit flat and get very boring very quickly. And for ordinary mortals, it’s still too expensive to re-create their own voice with the help of this technology.

TIME TO GO?
So, do you think it’s getting time for professional voice-overs to pack their bags and start looking for other work? Yes and no.

First of all, text-to-speech companies all over the world use voice talent to record different languages and accents for different applications.

Secondly, if you’re a musician, you might find this technological development very interesting but non-threatening. As you probably know, any musical instrument under the sun has been sampled, and entire symphony orchestras  can come out of a can. Yet, people are still buying real Steinways, and there are plenty of musicians who make a very decent living.

Do you think that we’ll ever see the time when Stravinsky’s “Rite of Spring” as performed on virtual instruments, will win a Grammy? I don’t think so. Will a laboratory ever be able to produce a recording of Bach’s cello solo sonatas that rivals the depth of Yo Yo Ma’s interpretation?

You see, there’s still hope for the most subtle, most flexible, most surprising and unique of all instruments: the human voice.  Here’s the rub: robots have a hard time emoting.  They can patiently and dispassionately guide you to the next exit, but they have a hard time expressing even the most basic of  feelings such as fear, anger, hurt, guilt and… love.

MOVIE MAN
As for Ebert, he’s as busy as ever. Esquire Magazine recently published a very moving article about him. On “Oprah”, he predicted that Kathryn Bigelow would be crowned best director and also pegged her film “The Hurt Locker” as the best picture winner. We now know that he was spot-on.

If it were up to me, this year’s  “Special Achievement Award” would only go to one man:

Roger Ebert.

Time and again, his brilliant movie reviews leave me… speechless.

Paul Strikwerda © 2010

www.nethervoice.com

PS Do you see Text-to-Speech software as a threat to your career? Is it eventually going to put you out of business, or will it just do the boring work?  Share your thoughts!

PPS Why am I giving my voice-over services away for FREE? Find out here…

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