Double Dutch

No, I won’t name any names, but I was quite shocked by what I found out, recently. Let me ask you a question instead.

Do you know the difference between Flemish and Dutch?

I’m not asking for an exposé on historical linguistics, but say you’re in need of a cheesy Dutch voice for your imitation Gouda commercial. You decide to check out a number of voice-over sites in the hopes of finding the perfect Hollander.

Be honest: would you be able to tell from the demo whether you’re listening to a voice-over talent from Flanders (Belgium) or from The Netherlands? After all, both speak Dutch. Of course I’m assuming you’re not from either one of those countries.

If the answer is “No”, don’t be embarrassed. I discovered that a number of internet voice-over providers don’t seem to know the difference either. What’s even worse: they don’t seem to care. After a random and by no means scientific search, I found numerous colleagues listed under Dutch talent, who were in fact Flemish speakers.

Nothing against my friends from beautiful Belgium, but that’s like listing a North-American under Australian talent, or mistaking a Brazilian for someone from Portugal. Now, most people can tell a Yankee from a Brit. But would you be able to differentiate between a Frenchman and a Québécois, or tell a Swiss actor from an Austrian bodybuilder? And if you can’t, don’t you expect a voice-over site to know the difference between cheese and cheez whiz? Just because something smells like cheese, doesn’t mean that it is cheese.

AMAZING RACE
Not so long ago, my daughter’s school held an international event modeled after the reality show “The Amazing Race”. Different classrooms had been turned into different countries, and volunteer-parents from various parts of the world dressed up in their national costume, served local treats and were asked to speak their mother tongue. Picture me, wearing clogs, waving our red-white-and-blue flag, surrounded by posters of windmills and tulips…

The first thing the contestants had to do was identify the country they had just entered, based on all the ‘subtle’ clues. In order to get full marks, they also had to locate that country on a globe. At this point I should tell you that the teams were made up of children and their parents. So, how well do you think most of them did? Keep in mind that all of this took place in an average elementary school in Pennsylvania.

Well, as soon as I opened my Dutch mouth, some kids looked at their parents and said: “That man sounds very weird, why can’t he speak English?” There and then I realized that many of them had never been exposed to anything else but (American) English and perhaps some Spanish.

One dad thought he had figured me out. “I recognize that accent”, he said with a proud smile on his face. “I was stationed at the Ramstein Air Base for years. You must be from Germany.”

“Not quite”, I said. “My country and Germany are neighbors.” “Oh, now I get it”, said the Dad. “You’re from Sweden! That’s why you are wearing those clogs.”

Some were less clueless, though. As soon as they had spotted the windmills, they shouted: “This must be Holland”. “Well-done”, I said. “Now let’s see if you can find my country on the globe.”

Granted, my homeland is not the easiest to spot because it’s so small. So I thought I’d help the teams a bit by revealing that Holland is part of Europe, counting on the fact that people would certainly know where to find Europe. Wrong! ”

You told us Holland is next to Germany”, said the airman. “I must be blind because I don’t see it.” Then his wife interjected: “Here it is, honey. Right next to Belgium.” “But it says The Netherlands”, the husband answered, “We are looking for Holland…..”

THANKS BUT NO THANKS
Based on my quick survey, some voice-over sites aren’t doing much better than the average American parent. I’m not the type of person that enjoys complaining about things without ever doing something about it. So, I emailed the companies in question, and I respectfully pointed out that the voice-over talent they had listed as Dutch, was actually from Flanders. The result? Seven out of ten websites ignored my helping hand and never even bothered to respond.

When I checked in a week later, their talent listing was unchanged. One site did respond, informing me that they had spoken with their pseudo-Dutchman, and that he denied all charges. The last two sites thanked me profusely for my feedback, and within a matter of hours they had corrected their listing.

VOICE-OVERSIGHT
To a certain extent, ignorance might be excused, but there’s no justification for being unprofessional and misleading.

If I put ‘Champagne’ on a bottle of bubbly from Chile, chances are that I end up in a French court of law. Similarly, I can’t put the name ‘Gouda’ on cheese made in Michigan.

A voice-over site should have some oversight to ensure that if we request a native Dutch speaker for our commercial, we end up with someone from The Netherlands, and not with some faker from Flanders.

One last thing. The other day, a New York-based agency asked me for a Dutch demo. It might take a few days before you hear back from us, they said. We noticed that you’ve been living in the States for quite a while, and we just want to make sure that your Dutch is still accent-free.

That’s why they sent my sample to that small country next to Germany, and had an expert listen to it. A few days later it came back with a seal of approval. Now, that kind of professionalism puts a big smile on my face. And I don’t even have to say “Cheese”!

Paul Strikwerda © 2009

www.nethervoice.com

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